Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
Amelia Earhart
People often live so much of their lives in fear. It is so much easier to avoid that which scares us. We can manage to avoid all sorts of things that scare us and still live an ok, fulfilling life. Only… we will know that we could have done more or been more or reached our potential. Today might be the day to take a chance. There are a couple of things you can do when fear is getting in your way.
• Try deep breathing and relaxation. Different techniques work for different people. When I was in undergrad they taught us a technique I still use today a million years later. I try inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. I may close my eyes or pick a focal point in the room. When I exhale I usually say a word. Any word will do but I usually use the word peace. This exercise seems to calm me and lower my heart rate. Look on the internet or at the library for relaxation techniques. Try different techniques and see what works for you.
• Practice what you are going to do or say. Practicing will build your confidence.
• Another technique is to figure out the absolutely worse thing that could possibly happen if you face your fear and take action. Exaggerate the outcome and think of all the possibilities. You may realize that your outcome is very unlikely to come to pass and then realize if it does that you would live through it and be ok.
• Try positive self-talk. Instead of telling yourself to just give into the fear so you can feel relief tell yourself you can do it. Tell yourself that you are capable and will succeed at your task. It is amazing how much our own negative self talk can bring us down.
As people we tend to regret less what we do that we fail at or that which goes horribly wrong. We regret more the missed chances and what we didn’t try. Maybe today is the day to be brave and face your fears. Today I am going to face one of my fears. You can do it too!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Follow Your Dreams
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
--Henry David Thoreau
It is so easy to give in to frustration. It is so easy to settle. You might tell yourself you are lucky to have a job or that there are so many people worse off than you. That may be true but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be living the life you envision. You don’t have to be stuck in a miserable job or a toxic relationship. Maybe today is the day you spend time reevaluating your life. Figure out what you love and what you want to do and take a first step. Look at what you value and start to figure out how to live your values. We often give up our dreams as too lofty or not realistic. Take today and don’t be realistic. If there were no obstacles in your way – Who would you be? If you move forward – within your values and toward your dreams- you will find happiness and success in ways you may have never imagined.
--Henry David Thoreau
It is so easy to give in to frustration. It is so easy to settle. You might tell yourself you are lucky to have a job or that there are so many people worse off than you. That may be true but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be living the life you envision. You don’t have to be stuck in a miserable job or a toxic relationship. Maybe today is the day you spend time reevaluating your life. Figure out what you love and what you want to do and take a first step. Look at what you value and start to figure out how to live your values. We often give up our dreams as too lofty or not realistic. Take today and don’t be realistic. If there were no obstacles in your way – Who would you be? If you move forward – within your values and toward your dreams- you will find happiness and success in ways you may have never imagined.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Parenting Teens
Teen Behavior
Often one of the many struggles parents have is recognizing what is normal teen behavior verse teen behavior they should cause them worry.
What is normal? Has your teen begun giving you one word answers to any questions you ask? Does your teen seem to text an unbelievable amount? Are you wishing you could sleep as much as your teen? Are their friends the highest priority in their life now? Is your teen always irritable? Does it seem like your child is involved with a soap opera because he or she is so emotional, always a huge crisis and their world will soon end if it doesn’t work out.
All the above – normal behavior.
What should you worry about? Worry if your child seems to be involved with drugs and alcohol. Are there brushes with police involvement? Question if your child seems to have completely changed their friends. Peers really are a huge influence on teens and if your teen’s friends are into risky behavior it will be easy for your teen to fall into the same behavior. Meet your child’s friends. Yes, it may embarrass your youth but it is a huge red flag if you are never able to interact even minimally with your child’s friends. Is there a sudden drastic change of personality such as being excessively secretive or skipping school? Look a little deeper if you start catching them in lies – what are they doing that they can’t tell you?
Trust your gut – if something really feels off – it probably is.
Any hope? Well they will grow into adults eventually. Teens are supposed to be individuating themselves from their parents and they are clarifying their identities. There are still going to be good times and family togetherness but you did your job well if your youth is trying to be independent.
What should you do? Know your kid’s friends. Pick your battles. Say yes whenever you can. Be reasonable. Stay involved. One of the hardest tasks of being a parent is being able to be hated for short periods of time. Do your best not to personalize all the irritation thrown at you.
Often one of the many struggles parents have is recognizing what is normal teen behavior verse teen behavior they should cause them worry.
What is normal? Has your teen begun giving you one word answers to any questions you ask? Does your teen seem to text an unbelievable amount? Are you wishing you could sleep as much as your teen? Are their friends the highest priority in their life now? Is your teen always irritable? Does it seem like your child is involved with a soap opera because he or she is so emotional, always a huge crisis and their world will soon end if it doesn’t work out.
All the above – normal behavior.
What should you worry about? Worry if your child seems to be involved with drugs and alcohol. Are there brushes with police involvement? Question if your child seems to have completely changed their friends. Peers really are a huge influence on teens and if your teen’s friends are into risky behavior it will be easy for your teen to fall into the same behavior. Meet your child’s friends. Yes, it may embarrass your youth but it is a huge red flag if you are never able to interact even minimally with your child’s friends. Is there a sudden drastic change of personality such as being excessively secretive or skipping school? Look a little deeper if you start catching them in lies – what are they doing that they can’t tell you?
Trust your gut – if something really feels off – it probably is.
Any hope? Well they will grow into adults eventually. Teens are supposed to be individuating themselves from their parents and they are clarifying their identities. There are still going to be good times and family togetherness but you did your job well if your youth is trying to be independent.
What should you do? Know your kid’s friends. Pick your battles. Say yes whenever you can. Be reasonable. Stay involved. One of the hardest tasks of being a parent is being able to be hated for short periods of time. Do your best not to personalize all the irritation thrown at you.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Over and Over
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
Does it ever seem like you keep making the same mistakes again and again? Do you keep getting outcomes you don’t like? For example, every time you try to have a conversation with your significant other you end up in an argument? Maybe you are trying to save your money but it always seems to disappear. Maybe you want to lose 30 pounds and you but the scale just moves up rather than down (Yes – I kind of live in that place.) You see these goals for yourself but keep getting the same results. If whatever behavior you are engaging in isn’t working than it is time to try something different. Below are examples of changing behavior that may result in a different outcome.
Significant Other in fight.
Review: Everytime I try to talk to my significant other we seem to argue. I seem to always approach
my significant other when he or she is on the computer.
Change Behavior: Try approaching them at a different time.
Evaluate: My significant other was more agreeable to talking. – Then successful outcome.
If not – try something else.
Saving Money
Review: I never seem able to save my money. I keep a budget in my head and balance my check book.
Change Behavior: This paycheck I’m going to write down a budget and write down where I spend
all my money.
Evaluate: I am able to better keep track of my money and started saving – Then successful outcome.
If not – try something else.
Losing Weight
Review: I really want to lose 30 pounds so I feel healthier and better about myself.
Change Behavior: I go out to eat 5 nights a week. I’ll cook at home more and only eat out 1 time a
week.
Evaluate: I am feeling better and have started to lose weight – successful outcome.
If not –try something else.
You might not find the answer the first or even the second time but you might feel better just by trying something different. We all get comfortable in our patterns and behaviors but if we want different outcomes we really have to change our approach. If you aren't ready to change or just don't really want to - that's OK too. Keep in mind if you keep doing what you are doing – you will keep getting what you are getting.
Albert Einstein
Does it ever seem like you keep making the same mistakes again and again? Do you keep getting outcomes you don’t like? For example, every time you try to have a conversation with your significant other you end up in an argument? Maybe you are trying to save your money but it always seems to disappear. Maybe you want to lose 30 pounds and you but the scale just moves up rather than down (Yes – I kind of live in that place.) You see these goals for yourself but keep getting the same results. If whatever behavior you are engaging in isn’t working than it is time to try something different. Below are examples of changing behavior that may result in a different outcome.
Significant Other in fight.
Review: Everytime I try to talk to my significant other we seem to argue. I seem to always approach
my significant other when he or she is on the computer.
Change Behavior: Try approaching them at a different time.
Evaluate: My significant other was more agreeable to talking. – Then successful outcome.
If not – try something else.
Saving Money
Review: I never seem able to save my money. I keep a budget in my head and balance my check book.
Change Behavior: This paycheck I’m going to write down a budget and write down where I spend
all my money.
Evaluate: I am able to better keep track of my money and started saving – Then successful outcome.
If not – try something else.
Losing Weight
Review: I really want to lose 30 pounds so I feel healthier and better about myself.
Change Behavior: I go out to eat 5 nights a week. I’ll cook at home more and only eat out 1 time a
week.
Evaluate: I am feeling better and have started to lose weight – successful outcome.
If not –try something else.
You might not find the answer the first or even the second time but you might feel better just by trying something different. We all get comfortable in our patterns and behaviors but if we want different outcomes we really have to change our approach. If you aren't ready to change or just don't really want to - that's OK too. Keep in mind if you keep doing what you are doing – you will keep getting what you are getting.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Social Work Month
social work
n. Organized work intended to advance the social conditions of a community, and especially of the disadvantaged, by providing psychological counseling, guidance, and assistance, especially in the form of social services. (cited below)
I am a social worker. I am proud to be a social worker. Unfortunately social workers often get a bad rap. In media social workers are often portrayed as angry, unhappy individuals who can’t be bothered to do their jobs and rip children from their parents without consideration. That is not the real picture of a social worker. Social workers mostly try to help people,communities and even the world be better, have better quality life, be safer and be more empowered.
Social workers held about 595,000 jobs in 2006 (http://www.socialworkers.org/pressroom/swMonth/2010/factsheetHSH.pdf)
Social workers work with people through all stages of life from birth through dying. Social workers assist in child welfare, family services, hospitals and other medical establishments, state agencies, community programs, schools, volunteer groups, organizations that promote equality and peace, after school programs, substance abuse and addictions, nursing homes, during disasters and traumatic events and in private practice. Just to name a few. If there are people, communities or systems that are struggling or in need there is likely a social worker somewhere helping out. If you know any social workers ask them about what they do everyday and you may be very surprised. Wish them a happy Social Work month!
To find out more information about social workers visit http://www.socialworkers.org/
(On a totally different note it is also National Kidney Month and March 11th World Kidney Day. If you have kidney disease in your family, if you have diabetes or high blood pressure you may save your life or avoid years of dialysis by participating in a free kidney screening. For more information or to find a free kidney screening by you stop at http://www.kidney.org/news/keep/index.cfm)
n. Organized work intended to advance the social conditions of a community, and especially of the disadvantaged, by providing psychological counseling, guidance, and assistance, especially in the form of social services. (cited below)
I am a social worker. I am proud to be a social worker. Unfortunately social workers often get a bad rap. In media social workers are often portrayed as angry, unhappy individuals who can’t be bothered to do their jobs and rip children from their parents without consideration. That is not the real picture of a social worker. Social workers mostly try to help people,communities and even the world be better, have better quality life, be safer and be more empowered.
Social workers held about 595,000 jobs in 2006 (http://www.socialworkers.org/pressroom/swMonth/2010/factsheetHSH.pdf)
Social workers work with people through all stages of life from birth through dying. Social workers assist in child welfare, family services, hospitals and other medical establishments, state agencies, community programs, schools, volunteer groups, organizations that promote equality and peace, after school programs, substance abuse and addictions, nursing homes, during disasters and traumatic events and in private practice. Just to name a few. If there are people, communities or systems that are struggling or in need there is likely a social worker somewhere helping out. If you know any social workers ask them about what they do everyday and you may be very surprised. Wish them a happy Social Work month!
To find out more information about social workers visit http://www.socialworkers.org/
(On a totally different note it is also National Kidney Month and March 11th World Kidney Day. If you have kidney disease in your family, if you have diabetes or high blood pressure you may save your life or avoid years of dialysis by participating in a free kidney screening. For more information or to find a free kidney screening by you stop at http://www.kidney.org/news/keep/index.cfm)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
little articles
Sometimes I write short little blogs for this site and sometimes I like to write a little longer articles for ezine.com. If you follow this link ezine articles you can review my articles regarding becoming a foster parent and improving your relationship with your teenager.
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