Independence Day

I thought I might as well do a requisite Independence Day Post.  Happy Fourth of July to those in the United States.  The fourth reminds me of all the things I am grateful for.  I am grateful that I have choices to be who I want to be.  Many more women in this world do not have the opportunity to say, act, dress and be whoever they want to be.  I am grateful that I can believe and state my beliefs without fear of imprisonment or retribution.  I am grateful that I can speak up for what I believe in and that those who have opposite views of me can speak up too.  I am grateful that I can choose to go to any church I’d like or choose not to go to church at all.  I love the individuality values of America.   I am grateful that I don’t live in a homogenous culture – I have the opportunity to meet and know so many people from different worlds than I am from.  I am grateful despite the limitations and struggles in this country that there are still endless opportunities.

I’d also like to thank all the individuals who served this country.  I thank those who choose to serve and those who were made to, those who are remembered and those who are forgotten and those who made the ultimate sacrifice.  It is because of these people I am able to enjoy my freedoms.

Hope you have a wonderful Independence Day.

Quote

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.” 
― Jonathan Safran Foer

I saw this quote today and something about the words touched me.  Sometimes, I feel exactly this way.  I feel there are so many possibilites and so many paths not taken.  The real tragedy, I think, would to not dare to live at least one full, amazing life.  What barriers are you putting up to living the life you can imagine.  Tear those barrier downs.  Then you can think about the path you are taking and revel.

Really Random (totally non-relevant to anything) advice for Today

Be open to new things I say.  We have opportunity to learn each day.  Sometimes we get so set in our ways that we forget to be open.  It seems that people may worry that if they take in new information and learn that it I somehow a reflection on them not being good enough.  Instead of listening to new information we become defensive and miss out.  Learning and adjusting our thinking with our new knowledge is an amazing gift we have – don’t waste it.





I most recently learned that it is not a good idea to put shower gel in the little foot spa I have at home.  It is one of those little things that you put your feet in and it bubbles and warms your feet.  I thought  to myself “why not put a couple of drops of shower gel in there.”  This was not a good idea.  I turned my back for less than a minute and there were bubbles EVERYWHERE.  There were lots and lots and lots of bubbles.  The bubbles were pretty, which I noted and enjoyed, but an absolute mess to clean up.  (Which is a bit like some of life really.  Things can be beautiful and messy and a pain to clean up.)  It was like the only one time in your life (for me it was with my roommates in college) where you run out of dishwasher soap so you think what would it hurt to use a bit of regular dish sink soap instead.    You quickly learn that is not a good idea when over half your kitchen is saturated with bubbles.  It was kind of like that.



To sum up my totally random ramblings of today:  Bubbles are pretty and are to be enjoyed.  Also – be open to learning new things – it is one way to grow and embrace joy in your life!

End of Ultimate Blog Challenge

At the beginning of April I decided to participate in the ultimate blog challenge of 30 posts in 30 days because I like competing with myself and because I felt like I was lazy about getting posts up.   I completed a lot of blog starts but not so many finishes and I felt like I wanted to finish some.

I ended up with   26/30  posts (counting this one.)  Not so bad.  There was a moment last week where I thought “I’m not going to make my goal, I better do a bunch a quick posts.”  Then I thought, “why?”   The 30 out of 30 was a goal I made up for myself.  (It was a should but since shoulds are all made up there is no reason not to change it.)   I have had an exceptionally busy two weeks and I decided balance and down time were more important than completing some random blog posts.

I believe this is something for all of us to remember.  First, goals are flexible.  Yes, it is great to reach a goal but it is about the journey not the destination.  Many goals are not meet at all cost goals.  Two,  taking care of ourselves and finding balance is more important than reaching an arbitrary goal.

Thank you to everyone who read my musings this past month.  My hope is I am energized and will post regularly!

Happy May Day Tomorrow.

Things Not To Say

I saw this article on things on to say to mothers.  Worth reading!

8 Things Never to Say To moms 

Several things I wouldn't say to anybody, not just moms.

A good rule of thumb is to be kind in your intractions.  Telling someone they really need to dye their hair (if it is not your very best friend in the world) isn't helpful.  The other day one of my bosses said that to me.  Instead of being helpful (which I know her and she was genuinely trying to be helpful), I wasted moments of my life worrying about my hair.  Just saying.

So..  Ask yourself if what you are saying is helpful or hurtful (before you say it.)  Be Kind. Be Kind. Be Kind.

More of My Thoughts on Food and Stuff

Since working in dialysis I have been fortunate enough to work with some phenomenal dietitians.  For someone who has weight issues it can be daunting to start working with a dietitian.  Initially, I would wonder “are they watching what I eat?” and wonder if they are judging me for my weight.  Turns out those are my own issues and not my coworker dietitians.

When I became friends with the nutritionists I worked with I saw that they were also just people with a specialty and passion for food and nutrition.  Sometimes they struggle with their weight and eating too.  I’ve become a person who completely encourages individuals to work with nutritionists if possible.  They can be so much a resource.  (They are not the eating police.)

“I know what to do, I just don’t do it.”  I am sure I’ve said it before.  Many of my family and even clients have said it too.  The thing is I think that is just an excuse not to move forward and live healthier.  Nutritionists can help in so many ways.  The Nutritionist, Christine, with my practice is a busy mom.  I bet she can help you plan easy and healthy meals both you and your kids can eat.  She has a passion whe can share with people. In my quest to give up (or at least greatly reduce) my intake of diet coke, Christine, was the first person to help me figure out an alternative.  (It turns out it isn’t the taste of diet coke that was keeping me drinking it.  Water, flavored or otherwise wouldn’t work as a substitution because it was the carbonation I was craving.  Who knew?)  I have been maintaining a greatly decreased intake of diet coke because she asked me the right questions.

Taking the time to join weight watchers and talk about is helpful because I am not just living in denial, I am paying attention to what I eat.  I know sometimes that I put food in my mouth without thought and I bet I’m not the only one. This is one way for me to take responsibility.  I don't know how far I'll go but this time is wasted because it is a time when I am present and in the moment with food.

Ok.  Probably more than you ever wanted to know about my thoughts on Nutrionists and food but what the heck.  Today’s parting advice:  Don’t let past perceived failures get in the way of living the way you’d like today.

Tell Everyone

I am someone who hasn’t known a day of my life where my weight wasn’t a struggle.  Although I believe in the connection between our mind and body I haven’t made a concerted effort to live a healthier lifestyle recently.  Now I am taking that step.  I’m trying to mesh my values and my actions.  (This pretty much always leads to a more content soul.)

First I cut my intake of caffeine (particularly diet coke) by 95%.   I’ve seemed to work this into my daily life so I have started the next step – losing weight and healthier eating. 

I want to lose weight but my overall goal is to physically feel better and live well.  I joined Weight Watchers online in an effort to really focus on my eating.

My instinct is to keep it a secret.   If I don’t tell people I’m trying to lose weight then it won’t matter if I can’t do it.  Wait.  I realize this means I’ve already decided to fail.  Not good.  I would benefit from following my own advice.  1) Don’t decide the outcome before I’ve lived the journey.  2)  It is not a pass/fail situation.  Every change I make, every time I take a moment to be aware of my food, every healthier choice I make is progress.  It isn’t about the finish line but about changing the way I live and enjoying the journey.

This I will remind myself.

This time I’m telling everyone what I’m trying to do.  (Day 2 of working on healthier choices.) This is a subject I have a lot to say on so I’m sure you’ll be hearing about this again.  Live the journey before you decide you are going to fail.

In Your Twenties

This article caught my eye on my FB feed. 

Our Roaring 20s the Defining Decade 

It is definitely worth a look.  I love working with adults in their young twenties.  It is fun looking at the possibilities of life and all that may come.  I often find myself frustrated.  More than once in consultation I have talked about separating my issues from the young clients.  I struggle with the idea that so many in their early twenties don’t seem motivated to get out there and live life.  Many seem OK to live at mom and dads forever.  It is not unusual for a 24 or 25 year old tell me their mom told them they weren’t allowed to do something.  Inside I’m thinking, “You’re an adult – you can do it anyway.”  Of course if you’re financial dependent on the parents then maybe you can’t.  

I don’t think it an issue of laziness just different expectations and current trends.  I want the young people to get out there and do amazing things, find their careers, find their passions, and experience experiences.  I constantly checking if it is my wishes or their goals that I’m championing because obviously clients know themselves best and know what they want and honoring that is imperative.

I agree with the author about the twenties being a huge defining time in our lives, however it is not the only chance.  I know I am so very different than I was even at 30.  I have more passion, hope and drive so I don’t believe not having a wild and crazy twenties is definite deterrent to creating oneself but all that time when you could start embracing life.  Think of your twenties and what you could have missed out.

Remember, without those experiences you won’t have good stories to tell as you get older.  Just a thought.

So totally random I can't even say

This is a totally random Julie post which has nothing to do with mental health at all and really no redeeming value in the order of things.  However, I am trying to do 30 posts in 30 days and it is Saturday so I'm writing anyway.  (See~make your own rules and don't get caught up in the shoulds ~just saying.)


I was flossing my teeth (yes, I'm trying to be dental smart after so many years of being dental not smart) and I have to use floss that is attached to a plastic pick thing.  I cannot stand the feel of floss on my fingers.  It just grosses me out to no end.  I have no idea why but it is true.


I also am really disgusted by wet toilet paper.  One of my aunts used to work with two year olds in a daycare and one of her activities was to make "clean mud."  Basically it is lots and lots of toilet paper which has been watered down.  Kids could then play in it like it was mud.  I just...no.   I worked with the older toddlers in the room next to her and I would have dealt with paint all over the place or a table full of water before that any day.  I can't imagine a scenario where I would voluntarily deal with wet toilet paper.  It is creeping me out writing about.


Floss and wet toilet paper bother me but I can work in a dialysis center and see people's blood circulating next to them and I don't bat an eye.  Just like me you probably have words you just don't like and can't stand hearing.  I wonder where our idiosyncratic dislikes come from? 


What are your intense dislikes?  What disgusts you that other people wouldn't even notice?


See, a totally irrelevant to life post.  You may now be thinking this is a minute of your life you will never get back. I probably should be sorry about that but I try not to get caught up in the shoulds.


Happy Saturday.

Being a Therapist

Today I was thinking about my favorite thing about being a therapist.  I am constantly amazed at how much I love it.  It is an unexpected surprise because back in the day I thought I would grow old working at an agency specializing in child welfare.  That is a person that I almost don't recognize now.


I was listening to someone's story earlier and I was struck of how much of an honor it is to witness other people's struggles and stories.  It is humbling and awe inspiring (and no, I'm actually not exaggerating) to share these moments with clients.  It is so important for each of us to be heard and to find our voice and I get to help people with that.  I am humbled at how brave so many clients are with taking that step to be vulnerable and say "I want to be known" and "I am worthy."


I have so much joy and so much appreciation of all of you who allow me to go a short time with you on your journey.  Thank you.

April is..

April is…

April is autism awareness month.   To find out more click on the links below.

Autism Society

Autism Communication 

If you are looking for autism services and you are near Kane/McHenry counties, I have a colleague, Orenza Jaske LCPC, who specializes in autism.  She even runs an autism group for youth in 7^th-10^th grade.   

Orenza Jaske ASD

Random side note:  Despite having a ton of blog starts and I am still struggling to finish blog posts.  You'd think I would want to share all my brilliant ideas with the world but apparently I am dragging my feet.  I will keep working on it though.  I have high hopes for me.  :)

Hang in there.

I saw a picture yesterday that said “little by little we travel far.”  How true.  Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard we work and no matter how much we struggle that we are just marking time.   You are not.  You are constantly moving forward even if it feels as slow as water wearing down a rock.

Take a moment and take stock of the last year or two.  How have you changed?  In what ways have you moved forward?   Give yourself some points for how far you’ve come.

Doctor Who Quote(s)

Hi.  I’m Julie and I may be a Doctor Who fan girl.  Yes, I’m doing it.  I’m going to let the side of me that loves Doctor Who come to play.  This show has just some of the most amazing quotes.   Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to narrow my choices down.  (It was difficult like a difficult thing I’m telling you!)  I also admit I didn't start watching until the ninth doctor but what can you do?  Though I did include a couple of quotes from previous Doctor incarnations too.  If you have no idea what Doctor Who is all about (which would be a super sad face) you can look here
Doctor Who wikipedia  .

I picked several quotes and they will just be popping up once in awhile in my blog posts.  Look at it like a happy surprise.    Most of these were taken from this article and the comments from the article. 

BBC America 20 quotes for 2012  

I can’t judge the accuracy of the quotes but they are “close enough”.  And really, most quotes people are fond of saying are probably just close enough.  Think big picture.

So here we go – and they are in no particular order – Dr. Who quote I like #1.

“There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick." 
- The Doctor 

I LOVE this quote.  It is almost an endorsement for therapy and is definitely an endorsement of learning.  How many times have you heard “let sleeping dogs lie?” Conventional wisdom says don’t create conflict.  Don’t start a problem but sometimes a little stirring up is beneficial.  I am all for peace and calm.  (Come on, I collect peace signs and have a peace sign tattoo.  I also am Libra and you know Libras like things fair and even.)  Only,  sometimes we don’t get to the heart of things, we don’t hash it out and live life to the fullest if we aren’t exploring, learning and poking it with a stick. 

Go ahead try it.

(Also, a trailer below just so you can get an idea.  Probably not an accurate one but let me tell you.  It grows on you!)

30 Posts in 30 Days (or maybe delusions of grandeur - we'll see)

I spend a lot of time starting blog posts.  I have so many great ideas for posts and I write 2 or 3 lines and then I put my masterpiece beginning aside and save it for later.  You know ~later~ when I will take the time to write it up properly.  You guessed it.  Later rarely comes.  Instead, my blog start gets to be saved forever and never sees the light of day.

I keep thinking that I have to do something to get writing and then it happened.  I was playing (read playing as avoiding things I probably should have been doing) on Pinterest and I saw a pin for a blog challenge of 30 blog posts in 30 days.  Just the thing to motivate me.  I decided to buy into the challenge and I am going to try to get 30 posts done this month.  (I can do anything for thirty days – right?)  I have faith in me.  (However, I don’t promise interesting and fascinating posts so you might have to read and decide that for yourself.)

So, Happy Spring and Happy April Fool’s Day.  (A holiday I don’t know why individuals continue to celebrate because I don’t think it is amusing to trick or attempt to make other people look or feel stupid.  Generally I would say that is not desired behavior.  I’m just saying.)

I am ready for this challenge.  I will talk to you again tomorrow. 

(Not to jinx it but I think I can get at least to day two.)

Missing Piece

Once upon a time in a session someone said to me “I feel like I have a missing piece and when I find it I’ll feel whole.”   The book The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein jumped in my head.  I remembered the book was about the circle Pac Man thingy rolling along and finding his missing piece.  Only, it turns out I remembered it wrong.  It is so much better than I remembered.

It is about this circle which is missing a piece.  (Think a pie slice.)  It searches far and wide for a piece that will fit it perfectly.  On the way it plays with butterflies and meets lots of different pieces it checks out.  The circle has all types of adventures and then one day it finally meets the piece that fits it perfectly.  He has so much joy because he found his missing piece.  Only, it doesn’t quite work out the way he expected.  The piece fits so well he becomes a full circle and starts rolling and rolling and isn’t able to play with butterflies or meet other pieces or enjoy any of what he passes on the journey.  The circle realizes having the missing piece isn’t better for him and separates from his missing piece.  He is able to take pleasure in his journey again.

How often are we that circle?  We think of happiness and contentment as the finish line.  I did it.  I am happy.  Maybe we think of happiness as finding that one true soul mate.  You may ask yourself “if this is the love of my life why aren’t I happy?”

It is because life isn’t about the finish line.  Life is everyday struggles and joys.  Life is sharing this with those we love – not about those we love filling in a place in our soul to make us complete.  You may not feel it but you are a whole person.  There is no missing piece.   You can grow, change and live but life is about now.  Stop looking for your missing piece.  Enjoy the journey. Play with butterflies.  Love, share joy and sorrow with those you meet along the way.  You are already worthy and complete.

You are enough!

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Christopher Robin to Pooh

I have this quote in my office.  More than once someone has told me they read it and remembered they were stronger than they sometimes think.  Don’t sell yourself short.   This isn’t about enduring obstacles.  This is about achieving potential.  This is about jumping in with both feet.  

This is about soaring.  You are more.

Live Your Life!

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
Henry David Thoreau


Don’t be this person.  Share your song.   Life is meant to be lived.  There is going to be no magic wand so if you are looking to not live a life of quiet desperation you have to choose it.  Sometimes it is easy to forget that living is a choice.

What do you want your life to be?  Life is laughing.  Life is living up to your potential.  Life is quiet, content evenings at home, Life is adventure. Life is curiosity.  Life is both quiet and loud joy.   Life is learning. Life has struggle but doesn’t always have to be difficult.   Life is meant to be grand.  Life is love. 

Make your life everything you want it to be.  We are destined to be amazing and wonderful.  Embrace this destiny

Totally random post…

I so believe in not taking away a person’s choice – in every matter of their life.  Who am I or anyone else to tell a person that they are wrong or that I know better what the correct path for them is to take.  I feel so strongly and I’ve seen that it pops out in weird ways in my life.  For example,   I really have difficulty writing “Have a great day!” or similar throwaway lines.  Who am I to demand you have a good day.  You will notice if you read things I right I am much more likely to say “Hopes that this day has meaning” or “Wishes for a good day.” 

Yep.  That is what I am thinking about today. 

I wonder what the cat is wishing for.

Wishes that today brings to you what you are looking for.

Totally random post…

Robert Frost’s Poem:  Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171621

I have always absolutely loved the last stanza of this poem.  I have actually thought that if I would ever get a quote tattooed on me (which I’m guessing I never will) it would be the lines “…But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.”

Sometimes there are just sayings or lines in songs that touch something in us – even if no one else gets it.  The things that resonate us tells a lot about a person.  I’m not always sure what.

Grab on to those things that resonate with you.  They are who you are.

See.  Totally random.

Smile

I just thought I’d remind you not to underestimate the power of a smile.  My favorite compliment given to me is “I like your smile.”



It is inevitable that at the dialysis center at which I also work, at just the time I’m getting frustrated by being asked to fax MORE medical records or help with some other aggravating issue, a patient will stop me.  The patient will say something like “I look forward to your smile” or “I always feel better when you say ‘hi’ and smile” or “it can be so dreary here, then you come out and smile and everything brightens up for a little while.”



I know you can't help smiling when
you see this picture!



It reminds me that connecting to others is what it is about.  How hard is it to just smile at someone?  During this time a year it is easy for everyone to get so busy.  Take a moment and smile at the stranger standing with you on the corner.  Smile at cashier at the store.  Smile at your significant other or children even if they are driving you a bit crazy.  It is not magic.  It is not difficult.   It can make a world of difference to someone.  Smile.