June is PTSD Awareness Month Post I

Now that June is almost over it seems like I should have mentioned that June is PTSD awareness month. Here is part of a rack card I created about PTSD.  What I think is most important for people to know is that no matter how hopeless a situation feels that if you hang in there, it will get better.  That is where my business name Holding Hope Services is coming from.  I can hold hope for someone until they can do it for themselves.

goddess quiz

I admit it.  When I have time or am procrastinating, I might take a personality or fun quiz or two.  On a board I watch someone put out a goddess quiz which is apparently based on the book “Goddess in Everywoman” by Jean Bolen.  Sometimes it may feel like none of the answer fits but if you just stick with it the explanations of the goddess are interesting.

Which goddess fits you? 

What I like about a quiz like this one is that I believe it lets us look at ourselves a little differently.  Maybe consider what are our strengths and struggles.  I’m all about self reflection.

The highest answer when I took the quiz was Persephone by quite a bit.  She is someone who had quite the struggles in mythology.  Her mother is involved, Hades is involved, the underworld, mystery and violence all present.

However, she is also known for being a reminder that after winter spring comes.  Some places describe her as offering hope and renewal at the time we are in the most despair.  She helps us bring us back to light and helps us transform to new.

As a therapist one of my greatest wishes and hopefully skill is to help you keep hope that change is possible and help you see that darkness isn’t all there is.  I wish that you could all remember that hope isn’t a horrible word and that even your darkest moments will pass.

Breaking-Up

This post keeps showing up on my "to be posted" posts but I swear I posted it previously.  I can't find it though so why not share?

You feel like it will never be OK again.  You wonder what you could have done different.  You aren’t sure where the other person is coming from.  It has been deteriorating for awhile or you were blindsided.  You will get through this.  Be angry, be sad, be relieved – whatever you need to be.

This link has some ideas how to pull yourself out of the break-up depression.

This is your place

It may feel like you just don’t belong.  It may seem like everyone else has it all together and you aren’t measuring up.  You may feel like you don’t have the right to get what you want, to be happy, to reach your goals, to keep love, to be comfortable or whatever.  You do.  You deserve to be who you are and you deserve to live in your potential.  Maybe stop trying so hard and live in the now.  Tell yourself you can be happy and fulfilled and let it all play out.  Be kind to yourself.

“Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

Max Ehrmann

October is Mental Health Month

Our own mental health is priceless.  Do a quick check in with yourself.

• Have you felt sad or blue with no identifiable trigger?
• Have you felt sadness over a very long period of time?
• Are your moods interfering with your day to day activities?
• Have you started to have trouble concentrating? (For example you are an avid reader but can’t seem to get through more than a few pages of a book at a time.)
• Have you been feeling more irritable and frustrated?
• Have you changed your eating patterns?  Eating a lot more or a lot less?
• Have your sleeping patterns changed?  Are you sleeping all of the time or unable able to sleep at all?
• Have you lost interest in activities you generally enjoy?
• Does depression or other mental health issues run in your family?
• Have you had suicidal thoughts or ideation?

If you see yourself in the above questions, please gather some courage and take that next step.  Even if your mental health is totally fine, don't forget to take steps to maintain optimal mental health.

You can often complete depression and mental health screenings at your local hospital or mental health agency.  If you are in college your school probably has a counseling center you can access.  There are probably also mental health therapists in your area who are trained to help. Try giving one of them a call. 

Give yourself a deadline.  For example, tell yourself by the end of next week I will:    

n      Call my doctor to review my medication.

n      Look at my budget to see how to fit in a therapist.

n      Look at the local hospital website to see if there is a depression screening.

n      Any one (or more) thing you can think of that will give you forward motion to better mental health.

You may feel like you should be handle your emotions and difficulties all on your own.   Remind yourself that there is no shame in asking for help.  Every single one of us needs help at one time or another – there are no exceptions.  It is often very difficult to seek the help we need but the payoff can be well worth difficulty.  Sometimes it is easy to forget that it is OK to feel healthy, happy and whole.

I wish all that for you.

If you do have suicidal thoughts or ideations please contact help immediately.  You can call 911 if it is emergency or call the suicide hotline at 1-800-784-2433

Siblings

I was thinking about sibling relationships and serendipitously had this short little blurb about sibling relationships.e-mailed to me.

Siblings and Depression

It basically says that having a loving relationship with your siblings can fend off depression. It also notes that sisters seem to be better depression busters than brothers that brothers are good too.

Do you have siblings? Your siblings have know you longer than anyone else and probably are the only individuals you have that understand where you came from because they were there too. Your siblings have known you the longest of anyone. As I age I believe more and more that it is important to have people in your life who knew you when you were young. We mature and grow and struggle so much we sometimes lose characteristics and dreams of our youth. That doesn’t make them any less a part of us and it is comforting to have someone who remembers the good parts of the old you.

Take a moment and call or e-mail your sibling today. Just say hi – especially if time and distance has separated you. You may just find another way to fight depressing feelings.

Emotions

Maybe you just went through a break up.  Maybe someone near and dear to you died.  Maybe you are overwhelmed with your child’s behaviors.  When difficult situations arise often there are messy, uncomfortable emotions to feel.

So what do we do?  Well it seems as if most people’s first instincts are to get busy and avoid feeling.  Someone asks you “how are you doing?”  You say “keeping busy” or “working a lot”.  If you notice neither answer actually is a feeling – it is what you are doing to avoid feeling.  People often spend a lot of time avoiding having to feel.

At the same time most people will say they just want to feel better.  They want to accept their loss or frustration and move on.  They may be frustrated when it seems to take too long to feel better.

First there is no time limit for a feeling. Emotions are complicated and you may feel sad or happy or guilty all in a short time.   If your emotions start interfering with your day to day life you may consider getting outside assistance. 

Second, to get to the place of being better – you are going to have to stop and actually feel those uncomfortable feelings.  Take a moment and identify the feelings you have – not what you are thinking or what you are doing.  For example “I feel lonely” vs. “I think I’m not worthy” or whatever.  Take a moment to actually feel.  It is ok to feel sad or frustrated.  Emotions serve a purpose.  Difficult feelings might spurn you to make a change. 

The intensity of feelings generally fades when they are acknowledged and felt.  Taking the time to stop and just be with your emotions just may get you to the better place you want be.

Suicide

I was touched while reading the words of the parents of actor Andrew Koenig who was found dead from suicide. Their words have so much wisdom and I am grateful that they shared them with the world.

His mother, Judy Koenig said that Andrew Koenig Andrew Koenig had many people who loved him, but "in his pain, he didn't realize it was available to him," she said. Judy Koenig

His father said, "If you're one of those people who can't handle it anymore, you know, if you can learn anything from this, there are people out there who really care. "You may not think so and ultimately it may not be enough, but there are people who really care."
Families of those who are troubled should not ignore the warning signs, he said. "Don't ignore it, don't rationalize it," he said. Walter Koenig

(Both quotes from http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/25/growing.pains.actor.dead/index.html?hpt=Sbin )

If you are not in the situation of pain it is hard to understand why someone would take their life. In that place of pain you may intellectually know there are people who care and there is help out there but the emotional connection and finding hope is so much more difficult. If you have never been in the situation where you can’t find the hope to go one, you are blessed. Mental Illness, Depression and despair are real. Believe people when they say they can’t go on. Let those in your life know you love them. I always think that if people could wait a beat or two or get to the next day they might be able to find the strength to go on. If you are in that place of pain look for that reserve in you to ask someone for help.



The Suicide Prevention Life also has a list of suicide warning signs on their home page.