If it is to be...

My mom used to have a little picture hanging on her wall that said “If it is to be it is up to me.”  I irrationally didn’t like the saying.  Maybe I didn’t like it because it is completely true and it puts a lot of responsibility on me to make my own happiness or develop and reach my own goals. 

It is often more comfortable to believe that our lives are mostly out of our control.  You might say "but I have this illness” or “it is the only job I can get and I need money to live” or “it takes two for a successful relationship” and this talk makes it easy to abdicate responsibility.

Although there are conditions out of our control, we mostly do have say in our lives. We may have to live within constraints not of our choosing (e.g. having to be a caretaker for sick parent or a physical illness with which to contend or significant other who thinks it is ok to cheat) but we do have control of how we respond to circumstances and what we do within the restrictions of our life. It is easy to think that if your partner could be a little more understanding or you could make just a little more money or if you could just have a more understanding boss that everything would be fine.  Often individuals wait for someone to save them or make everything better or a circumstance to change before they “go for it.”  What are you waiting for?  If you aren’t where you want to be or if you are waiting for some specific circumstance to change - stop.  Make a plan, take a step – no matter how small and start to take responsibility for what you want out of life.

If it is to be – it is up to you to make it so. 

June

It is the mid point of June and just for fun here are some designations for June.

Children’s Awareness Month – focusing on recognizing the exposure and helplessness of children to violence.

Children Vision Awareness Month – To increase the public’s knowledge of children’s vision problems and encourage increased screening of infants and school age children.

National GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual,Transgender) Awareness Month – To increase awareness and acceptance of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals.

Professional Wellness Month   - To increase your worth in the marketplace.

National Ice Tea Month – Which I include just because I like Ice Tea.

Rebuild Your Life Month – I think this is made of win.  Although someone can choose to make changes in attitude or behavior at any time – I think it is phenomenal there is a whole month dedicated to starting anew.     You can’t change the past but no matter your demons or history you can allow yourself to acknowledge, take responsibility and change beginning today.

Emotions

Maybe you just went through a break up.  Maybe someone near and dear to you died.  Maybe you are overwhelmed with your child’s behaviors.  When difficult situations arise often there are messy, uncomfortable emotions to feel.

So what do we do?  Well it seems as if most people’s first instincts are to get busy and avoid feeling.  Someone asks you “how are you doing?”  You say “keeping busy” or “working a lot”.  If you notice neither answer actually is a feeling – it is what you are doing to avoid feeling.  People often spend a lot of time avoiding having to feel.

At the same time most people will say they just want to feel better.  They want to accept their loss or frustration and move on.  They may be frustrated when it seems to take too long to feel better.

First there is no time limit for a feeling. Emotions are complicated and you may feel sad or happy or guilty all in a short time.   If your emotions start interfering with your day to day life you may consider getting outside assistance. 

Second, to get to the place of being better – you are going to have to stop and actually feel those uncomfortable feelings.  Take a moment and identify the feelings you have – not what you are thinking or what you are doing.  For example “I feel lonely” vs. “I think I’m not worthy” or whatever.  Take a moment to actually feel.  It is ok to feel sad or frustrated.  Emotions serve a purpose.  Difficult feelings might spurn you to make a change. 

The intensity of feelings generally fades when they are acknowledged and felt.  Taking the time to stop and just be with your emotions just may get you to the better place you want be.