Totally random post…

Robert Frost’s Poem:  Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171621

I have always absolutely loved the last stanza of this poem.  I have actually thought that if I would ever get a quote tattooed on me (which I’m guessing I never will) it would be the lines “…But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.”

Sometimes there are just sayings or lines in songs that touch something in us – even if no one else gets it.  The things that resonate us tells a lot about a person.  I’m not always sure what.

Grab on to those things that resonate with you.  They are who you are.

See.  Totally random.

Article Share

A way to look at the tips for eating well during the holiday (and really any) season.  The tips listed that
the author questions - how many times have we heard the exact same ones.  I know I've heard them a million times.

http://partnershipinwellness.com/blog/?p=605

The author gives some helpful insight into health eating!

Smile

I just thought I’d remind you not to underestimate the power of a smile.  My favorite compliment given to me is “I like your smile.”



It is inevitable that at the dialysis center at which I also work, at just the time I’m getting frustrated by being asked to fax MORE medical records or help with some other aggravating issue, a patient will stop me.  The patient will say something like “I look forward to your smile” or “I always feel better when you say ‘hi’ and smile” or “it can be so dreary here, then you come out and smile and everything brightens up for a little while.”



I know you can't help smiling when
you see this picture!



It reminds me that connecting to others is what it is about.  How hard is it to just smile at someone?  During this time a year it is easy for everyone to get so busy.  Take a moment and smile at the stranger standing with you on the corner.  Smile at cashier at the store.  Smile at your significant other or children even if they are driving you a bit crazy.  It is not magic.  It is not difficult.   It can make a world of difference to someone.  Smile.

Good Advice

When someone tells me they don’t have time to do something they want to do, I usually tell them that a person makes time for the things they want to do.  I tell them to make time for the things that will get them where they want to go, bring them joy or serenity or whatever they need. 

That’s good advice.

I’m going to work on following it.

Adding A Nutritionist to My Practice

Even as a therapist, I have doubts and fears.  It is true.  So, I have been a bit up in the air about sharing adding a Nutritionist to my private practice.

An opportunity came up recently that would allow me to add a nutritionist/dietitian to my practice.  I’m excited about it.  I am actually a bit disappointed because I’ve been getting a lot of confused reactions.  I try to explain that it is just another  option. If someone wants to talk to a nutritionist about food in addition to therapy or even as a whole separate thing, I can provide that for them.   I don’t plan on it being my niche or even brining it up unless it fits the situation.  However, my experience has shown me that eating, food, and body image come up more than not during therapy. I just think it is awesome to have the choice if the desire presents itself. (And I’m hoping to add a few more little options as time progresses.  Fingers crossed.)

I have several (maybe a bit rambling) thoughts on why I am excited to add a Nutritionist to my practice.

1)      I believe that we are more than our mind.  I believe our mind and body work together so many people might want some added insight to nutrition or that support when trying to eat the best for them.

2)      Messages about thin and fat and appearance are thrown at each of us all day long.  Everyone has an opinion about our appearance.  It doesn’t even matter if you are thin or fat or have an ugly nose or the most attractive person on this earth, someone will find something negative about our physicality and too often a part of us will wholeheartedly buy into the critique.  Also, sometimes, in our culture an individual is given the message that no matter what they do to their appearance it will never be enough.

3)      Most women I see and most women I know (and even a few of the men) have so much of their self-esteem and identity tied into their physical appearance.   . This makes me so sad because each of us is so much more than our appearance.  I have had people tell me that if someone is fat that they can’t imagine they could be happy.  Well, you know what, someone who is fat can be happy.  I’m happy. 

4)      Sometimes it is like there is no happy medium.  Either a person eats too much or not enough or not the right foods or has to think about food all the time.  My wish is that each of us could incorporate the nutrition that is best for us into our lives and not make food our identity

5)       I have spent my life struggling with weight; never in my recent memory even being close to what most would say is a ‘normal’ size. I will probably continue to struggle throughout my life with eating and food.  Although as many of you know, it can feel like a failure on my part but it really isn’t.  It is part of who I am and one of the struggles that I get to engage in and learn from in my life.  I may not be able or willing to do everything that would be helpful for me but I am certainly going to benefit from knowledge and learning more if I choose to.  I feel like as the therapist I work with people on acceptance of self and that it is not about our size (small or large) but on who we are and how we feel.  This was one of my doubts about adding a nutritionist to my practice.  The fear that people would be like "really- you?"  Then of course I realized it doesn't matter so much what people say but that I am true to myself and what I want to offer my clients.

6)      Many of us have distorted views of what we eat and how we look.  Our family and friends often even feed into this.  I often say having a neutral person to talk about our goals, life and fears with is essential.  Maybe it is just as essential to get a check up with a neutral person about our food habits and what we eat.

You might look at a couple of the bullet points and think “isn’t that an argument against having a nutritionist?”  I’d give a resounding “no”.  I believe that pretending food, eating and appearance issues don’t exist won’t make them go away.  I think balance is the key and we should have all the tools possible to live the best life we can live for us.

(More on the amazing nutritionist and such later!)

A last short note on my forgiveness kick…

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget" is only another way of saying, "I will not forgive."
Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note--torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one.”    Paul Boese

I agree with this.  This actually may fall under “one of Julie’s annoyances.”

I know you’ve heard it.  I’ve heard it thousands of times.  “I forgive them but I’m not going to forget.”  I’m with the above quote, that not forgetting isn’t forgiveness.  It always seems to me that “not forgetting” is holding the act over the person.  It seems like not forgetting means that it is still there and may be insidiously, quietly hiding resentment.  If a person is in a relationship with someone, it seems like for the relationship to be successful, that there has to be actual forgiveness.  It is hard to believe that having past deeds festering in the back of the mind will be beneficial to a relationship in the future.

Maybe this is why I don’t believe that forgiveness is warranted in every situation.  I can either accept and live with something and forgive or I can’t.  I’m not saying set yourself up to get hurt repeatedly but maybe if that fear is always there in the back of your mind there are other issues to deal with.

I don’t know.  I just think that forgiving is wiping the slate clean and if a part of me is “remembering” then I haven’t really completely forgiven.


“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” ~ Confucius

Forgiving Ourselves

I'm apparently having a "Julie's Thoughts on Forgiveness Week."  I'm Ok with that.

The other day I posted about forgiving our friends.  Something I see as even more important and so much more difficult is forgiving ourselves.

Not one of us is perfect.  If holding on to rage and resentment to someone who has hurt us is detrimental, then imagine what holding on to rage and resentment towards you is doing to your sense of being. 

How do you forgive yourself? 

1)      Remind yourself that it is OK that you make mistakes.  You are not perfect and weren’t meant to be perfect.  Think about the expectations of yourself.  Are they realistic?  If they aren’t then work on readjusting them.

2)      Feel the emotions.  Feel the regret.  Feel the sadness.  Feel the feelings of inadequacy. Even feel the shame.   Many people avoid feeling.  These feelings don’t go away, they stay with us.  Feel them.  Acknowledge them.  If you do this the intensity will lesson.

3)      Take action.  Is there anything you can do to fix the situation.  Maybe there isn’t something directly you can do but you can choose to do something indirectly too.  (Don’t, though, get caught up in punishing yourself or making yourself do penance.  It will never feel like enough.)  Take any action.  When people take action, they often immediately feel better.

4)      Take whatever lesson you learned or experience you’ve gained and own it.  Try your best to use it in the future.

5)      Remind yourself that you are forgivable.  (You are worthy of forgiveness!)

“If you haven’t forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?”

           
Dolores Huerta.

“As soon as one forgives oneself, it is like taking away a bandage that covered one’s eyes.  When the bandage is gone, then one can see that the ones that love us have already forgiven us long ago and still there loving us.”     Juan Cavallo

Friends and Forgiveness

Or... Random ramblings on another quote. 

"We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends." Sir Francis Bacon

This quote caught my attention.  Not so much the part about forgiving our enemies, because even though I fully believe resentment and anger can slowly kill our soul, I don’t know if it is always a good idea to encourage people to forgive those who may have egregiously hurt them.  I think it is more important to process and figure out how to not let someone else’s actions eat us up inside and how to not get lost in anger toward someone.  What is important is not letting rage, anger or resentment consume you so you become that unhappy, angry person.

The part of the quote that did catch my attention is the part of forgiving our friends.  This is the area I see people struggling with a lot.  Friends sometimes disappoint us.  I see so many people cut friends out of their lives over something that in the big picture is probably not that important.  I don’t believe that people should keep others who are constantly disrespecting or not valuing them in their lives but our friends our only human. 

Our friends have bad days and make stupid decisions and may say hurtful things.  For many, it seems easier sometimes to just let go of a friendship then trying to reconcile and work it out.  The reconciling part is always a little uncomfortable.  I wonder if many people’s aversion to uncomfortable feelings allows them to throw away a friendship rather than feel the yucky feelings of figuring it out.  I’m as guilty as the next person.  I look back at my life and there is a friendship or two that I wish I had taken the time to reconcile and nurture.  My life would be richer with those people in it.

 

Friends (and people in general) aren’t disposable.  Some might argue that so much in life and our families are difficult and that friendships should be easy.  I think any relationship - friends or others - take time and work and ultimately are worth it.  I am eternally grateful that my best friend has seen clear to forgive me over the years.  I would be a much poorer person if she wasn’t in my life (as, I believe, I add something to her life.)  Next time a friend disappoints or irritates you, take a moment and ask yourself if this is a relationship worth saving.  Ask yourself if you are throwing something away too quickly.  Ask yourself if you get over the awkwardness or disappointment if you will miss this person in your life.  You are worth having substantial relationships.  (I’m adding that statement because life gets in the way and people seem to forget they can have multiple people in their lives.)  Give forgiving your friends a try.

If one by one we counted people out

For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long

To get so we had no one left to live with.

For to be social is to be forgiving.

Mahatma Gandhi

Random Quote

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future”  Oscar Wilde

I just like this quote. No matter who we are we have a past which made us this person.  Yet our past doesn’t define us.  The quote seems hopeful because no matter our past we can shape our future.  That is all.

December is...

I have been remiss at sharing the monthly observances.  I know that people urgently wait to know what they should celebrate.  Actually - there are no shoulds.  Celebrate whatever you would like - big or little, just remember to celebrate!

December IS...

·        Read a New Book Month

·        Rising Star Month

·        Universal Human Rights Month

·        Tomato and Winter Squash Month

·        5^th – Bathtub Party Day (You don’t want to miss this!)

·        10^th – Dewey Decimal System Day

·        26^th – National Whiner’s Day  (Complain a way.  I mean it won't change anything but why not indulge once in awhile.)

·        31 – Make up your mind Day  (Just take the leap and do it!)

Try celebrating the little things.  : )

Hope - Not a 4 letter word!

I’ve been reading a couple of articles lately that state hope is paralyzing.  They basically say give up on hope and take action.  These articles seem to equate having hope as being helpless.  There seems to be this idea if you have hope than you live in Never Never land and don’t get reality.  I’ve read hope doesn’t create change, it allows people to let other people do the work for them. I’ve heard many people talk of hope with disdain.  I don’t get it.

If one does not have hope, they are hopeless.  (A synonym for hopeless is despair.) I imagine if someone is hopeless then they are stuck, unable to move.  If a person can’t picture a better tomorrow then what motivation do they have to make changes?  If a person can’t believe that their situation may improve or that they will have the strength to get through this difficulty– how can they possibly move forward. It seems more logical to me that people would get stuck in despair not hope.   

When I was young, I was given advice on parenting that basically said if you have taken everything away from the child and there is no way for the child to earn back or even see a time where they wouldn’t be under restriction – they have no reason to even try to follow rules or be agreeable.  I think this illustrates my belief about hopelessness.  If someone has no hope it would be easy to say “why bother keep going.”  (Random side note:  I also don’t believe there is such a thing as false hope but that is for another post for someday. J )

Even in situations that seem hopeless - like a loved one dying of cancer or losing your home or a relationship breakup, having hope can make a difference.  If I can believe I will be able to handle the situation, that I can grieve and be OK again or that there are many more opportunities for me then I can keep going.

I believe that part of my job is to help people stay hopeful (hence my tag line “helping you hold hope”.)   I figure I can picture the other outcomes for you until you can do it yourself.  Having hope doesn’t mean you believe that money will fall from the sky or that everything in your life will magically be amazing.  Having hope means you know there is a purpose for you.  Having hope means that today and tomorrow are worth it.  Having hope gives you reason to keep going and experience life fully.  There is no contest; I would rather a world with hope any day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  One day we set aside to be thankful.  I know we should be grateful each day but it is kind of awesome there is one day to just sit back and say thanks.  I enjoy the family and traditions and desire to include everyone in some way.  Some quotes on gratitude below.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. William Arthur Ward

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse. Henry Van Dyke

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

Benefit of the Doubt

I was talking to a current supervisor of mine the other day.  I had worked with her years earlier at another workplace.  It wasn’t the ideal work situation and I felt very uncomfortable from day one.  I struggled to engage others and since my job was completely different than everyone else, it was somewhat hard to feel like I belonged. 

My initial overtures were met with roadblocks so I tried to find a way to cope.

One of the ways I coped was to make sure I had my Ipod with me and I would listen to music while doing paperwork or when I was by myself to distract me from anxiety and that awkward feeling.  Even though it was never an ideal workplace I stuck with it and eventually I struck some kind of balance with getting to know and getting along with others.  As I became more comfortable I didn’t carry my ipod (although I always had it playing in my office – still do come to think about it) and interacted more with everyone.

My current supervisor was telling me that she and another worker thought I was so unfriendly (which honestly is not a word used to describe me much) and that I thought I was better than them because I would sit and listen to my music rather than be open for people to interact with me. 

I wonder how often people make judgments – believing the worst about people – rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt.   I felt uncomfortable, not unfriendly and didn’t feel welcome – not thinking I was better than my coworkers.  It seems like they were unsure about me and had a negative experience with the past person in my position so they also assumed the worst about me.  How much smoother my transitions into the job have gone if all of us had given the other the benefit of the doubt?  It seems like a wasted opportunity because if initial if we had believed the best intentions from the other person the relationship may have been much more positive.

There are situations where you shouldn’t give the benefit of the doubt such as harm or victimization of another but in everyday scenarios why don’t we believe the best about others.

It is so easy to apply our own insecurities and concerns onto other’s behaviors.  We filter their behavior through our expectations.  Next time you are interpreting someone’s behaviors, consider giving them the benefit of the doubt and see how much better the situation may go.

Random Musings on Bystanding

See no evil?  Once I was at a training on domestic violence and child abuse.  The speaker was illustrating some cases, that in hindsight, it seemed very obvious that there was a miscarriage of justice.  Reasons why the court had reluctance to find the perpetrator guilty or assign significant consequences were discussed.  The reason that stood out for me is that if the judge or juries are healthy, caring individuals it may be hard for them to imagine that someone could do such things to child.  For example, a judge might be abhorred to even consider having a sexual thought about his granddaughter so it is difficult to believe the upstanding, gentleman not only has them but acts on those sexual feelings.  I don’t know.  Is that it?  Are we bystanders because it is hard for us to believe the cruelty people may have for another.

Do people not act because we believe it is none of our business?  Do we think we don’t know the whole story so we just let it go?

Are we afraid of the time it may take if we step up.

 Are people afraid of being judged themselves so they don’t act?  Do we know we do things that people might judge so we don’t want to jump to conclusions?

Are our priorities just screwed up?  Is money, or avoiding conflict or a football program as the case may be more important that the safety and well-being of others?  Do we just not know what to do so we do nothing? 
 
Some of my thoughts were prompted from the Penn State issues last week.  A couple of links talking about this subject are

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2011/11/11/fifteen-adults-knew-about-child-sexual-assaults-at-penn-state-and-did-not-act

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2011/11/10/preventing-and-reporting-child-abuse-the-questions-raised-by-the-penn-state-scandal  


I don’t have answers.  When to step in and when to bystand is something each of us answers on our own time and in our own way.  I just know I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t step in because of fear or because it would just be too much trouble.

One of Julie's Annoyances

As much as I preach joy and say “it is what it is”, as much as I believe acceptance of ourselves and others is a necessity and really believe to let go of that which I can’t change - sometimes I struggle with being OK with things I find annoying.  I thought I could occasionally share my pet peeves so to say and show where I struggle.

For example, I do not understand why, when I am driving down a road and there are absolutely no cars behind me, so many drivers pull out right in front of me.  I ask out loud “Why are you doing that?”  Why can’t an individual just wait the extra 4 seconds?  I’d understand if there was a never ending stream of cars but it seems to happen when it is way wide open behind me.  I really, really don’t get it. (And it really, really annoys me.)   I know it is something I can’t change (although if you are one who does this and are reading this - please stop.) 

I would be better off accepting that people will turn in front of me for no apparent reason.  Getting irritated doesn’t change the circumstance and doesn’t get me where I am going faster.  Maybe it is the world trying to teach me understanding or patience.  (That would be a great reframe if I could get myself to buy into it.) 

I’ll keep working on it. 

Mindfulness, Mortification and Memories

I was recently able to go on a trip to Orlando, Florida for my cousin’s wedding celebration.  It was a good time to connect and enjoy those that are important in my life.
(And who knew Mickey and Minnie would come to the reception.)  These are my random thoughts on mindfulness, mortification and memories.

Mindfulness

Wedding preparations started months earlier.  Talk of plane tickets and places to stay and what to where have been forefront for quite awhile.  Finally the time for the trip arrived.  I heard from several people the statement “It will be over before you know it.”  There was a lot of anticipation and a lot of activities once in Florida.  The
worry with this situation is that there is so much to do in such a
short amount of time it is possible to forget about actually enjoying
the moments.  I wanted to avoid it being “over before I know it” and forgetting to enjoy my trip.  Trying to practice what I preached I made sure I took
moments to just be.  I looked off the 18th floor balcony overlooking
Epcot Center and Downtown Disney, feeling the wind, hearing the
background noises and enjoying the view.  When I was getting bored in
a ride, I would try to stop and focus on the ride, who I was with, and
what was being said – not thinking about the rest of the trip.  At the
wedding and reception I tried to focus on enjoying myself in each
moment whether it was the beauty of the vows, or the rhythm of dancing
or photos being taken or who I was talking to and not when I’d get sleep, or when I needed to get to the airport or how much money I spent.   Taking time and effort to be
mindful helped the vacation be much more meaningful and relaxing than
it may have been if I was task or worry oriented.

Mortification
I also had a mortifying experience during my trip.  Yes, I am sharing
it with everyone out there.  I was on Mission Space (or something) at
Epcot Center and did not follow the instructions.  Yep, I  closed my eyes and felt very disoriented.  (Reminder to self:  Sometimes rules are there for a reason.)  I became nauseous and yes I actually got sick on the ride.  For a
grown woman this is beyond mortifying.  You know what though?  I lived
through it.  Sometimes it is necessary to be reminded that each of us
has the ability to live through awkward, embarrassing or anxiety filled moments.

My 10 year old cousin offered the statement “Don’t worry Julie.
Sometimes things happen in life.  It is OK.”  Nice wisdom and compassion from him. (Of course the second his oldest brother got in the van he said “Hey,
Julie threw up on the ride!)

Sometimes when something happens that mortifies you remember how you
handle it says a lot.  You can live through it.  You will be OK.  You will not be forever marked.  You can be a role model for others.  You teach your kids that bad things happen but you can make it through.  Embarrassment is not the end of the world.  A mortifying moment is not a catastrophe.

Memories
Memories are part of our identity.  They help us with meaning.  They can
be a source of joy and contentment.  All the situations from this trip will be
cherished memories that will remind me of who I am and can be shared
with those I am close to.  I am sure sometime in my future someone in
my family will jokingly ask if I’ll be able to handle going on a
Merry-go-Round or something.  I’ll remember the weather and laughing
or worrying with friends.  The memories help me be who I am.  What
jokes does your family share year after year.  Which memories are the
most precious to you?

I am grateful for being able to practice mindfulness, live through the mortification and cherish my memories from the trip.

Tips for Men - Coping with the break-up

I created a short ezine article - Tips for Men Coping with the Break-up. 
See what you think!


http://ezinearticles.com/?Tips-for-Men---After-the-Breakup&id=6668947

Random quote

So I saw this quote on someone's Facebook and I thought "Yes!"  I think that many times people - both men and women- are just really hard on themselves.  We can love other people despite and because of their flaws but we refuse to love ourselves with the same abandon.  It is OK we have imperfections.  This is what makes us uniquely us.   I am someone who may be described as always having a smile, energetic and bright but I am also often moody, talk way too much and speak way too fast.  You know what?  That is all OK.  I like who I am.  This doesn't mean I can't grow and change but it means I get to love even the part of myself that is less likeable.  Try accepting and showing yourself at least the compassion you would show a stranger.  Your flaws (real or perceived) are part of the amazing mosaic of you!  Love yourself - with abandon.


*The quote on the picture is...*

“Let someone love you just as you are.  As flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you might feel, as unaccomplished as you might think you are; let someone love you just as you are.  And let that someone be you. “  Sandra Kring (www.sandrakring.com)

Rebel - Just a little.

Life is often the same old thing day after day.  Get up, go to work, clean house, pick the kids up, make dinner, get gas – whatever- the same routine again and again.  Maybe you aren’t ready to make huge changes.  Maybe you don’t feel like you can do something wild and crazy but you know what?  You could do something just a little.

Maybe you could not style your hair before you go out.  Wear non-matching clothes.  Have a fun size snickers and string cheese for breakfast.  (I admit to doing this but I wasn’t rebelling – just not planning ahead.)  Skip work.  Go to a movie by yourself.  Go for a walk.  Leave the kids at their aunts on a school night.  Take a drive no where.  Do something that brings you joy but is out of your routine and is a bit unexpected. 

I rebel just a little each time I write in print such as when I am filling out a form.  I print the small letter a wrong almost every time. I print a instead of a. (Since it is in my last name I get to do it a lot!)  It is a small thing but it is one way for me to say “hey – I don’t have to be just like everyone else.  I can enjoy being me.”  (I also know they teach kids not to put a hat on a capital J but I do it anyway.  Yes I do. I get to rebel twice each time I write me name.) 

If you feel like you are doing the same thing every day.  If you feel as if life is just drudgery.  Stop.  Think.  Act.  Do one little thing to rebel – no one but you even needs to know you do it.  Life really isn’t about staying in the lines.  Color outside them, be creative and live.  

Random Tips on Coping With A Chronic Illness

I've been working on creating a tip sheet for working with chronic illness and this is what I have thus far and thought I would share.  (They are only random because it turns out I like to use the word random a lot!)

Tips for Living With A Chronic Illness

1 – It is Ok to grieve.  Grieving means you acknowledge the changes and will be able to embrace moving forward.  Know that grief will come and go and will generally lesson over time.

2 – Accept your illness.  It is what it is and accepting doesn’t mean you are happy with your illness but that you can understand that life sucks sometimes and that you have the strength to go on and even be happy.

3 – Stay productive.  You are tired and in pain and you just want to feel better.  Keeping a job or going out with the grandkids or spending time gardening may seem like impossible tasks.  Keeping active will improve your mood and even your health exponentially.  Try to do what you can.

4 – Take responsibility for your health.  Not only do you know yourself best, only you can follow the doctor’s recommendations.  Sometimes with an illness it is easy to feel like everyone has control over your life.  You may constantly be given directions such as “go take this test” or “don’t eat that” or “its not a big deal, it will only take a few hours.”   Take back the control.  This is your life.  It is not up to anyone else but you.

5 – Connect with your spirituality.   You are more than your illness.  Try connecting with whatever you believe in and try finding solace and comfort.  This can be an opportunity for self-reflection and looking at the bigger picture as it pertains to you.

6 – Accept help from others.  It is easy to say “I’m ok, I can do it.”  Most of the time when people offer to help they really want to help.  Give them an opportunity.  It is not a weakness to let someone help you out.

7 – Let yourself have bad days.  Everyone, if they are healthy or sick, have rough days.  Forgive yourself for having bad days.  Remember bad days or times will pass.  A bad moment doesn’t mean all day will be horrible and a bad day doesn’t mean there won’t be good days and moments coming up.

8 – Find joy where you can.  It may seem cliché but if you look you can find moments of joy all over the place.  The colors of the trees, clean sheets, the smell of cookies, hearing your favorite song, a hello from a friend, a funny cartoon, your dog being happy to see you, your child saying something hilarious – to just name a few.  Maybe it is just time to yourself or a short time without pain.   Work at recognizing and honoring moments of joy when they occur.

Happy You are Here

I grabbed this from somebody's Facebook and am not sure the source.  (Trying to read the link at the bottom.)  When was the last time you remembered that there are people just happy you are alive, that there are people who enjoy seeing you, being with you, and hoping you are happy.  Remember, we're happy you are here.

Random Thoughts on Money

This article talks about using humor in the “money discussion” with your significant other.  I thought I’d share because a major source of conflict between couples is often money issues.  It seems like in “the big picture” the couple wants the same things.  People mention stability, security, providing for their children, having a little extra for some fun.  It is in the details that problems occur.

Article:Humor in the War of Wages

Ignoring financial issues won’t make them go away.  Leaving all the decision making to a partner often leads to resentment by the spouse taking care of everything.  Talk about  your finances.  If you have a partner who manages all the money in the relationship, take time to acknowledge it.  Maybe the number one way to decrease the resentment is to put aside some time to talk about money.  Most people I know who are the main money manager in the partnership say things like “If he would just sit with me a few minutes each week so I wouldn’t feel like it was all on me.”  Or “I wish she’d show some interest in what I am doing with the money.”    Even if you would do just about anything  avoid talking about your finances try spending just a bit of time each week or month and you might be surprised in decreased conflict or improved satisfaction.  This is not a time to be judgmental or angry but to honestly appraise where the current family situation stands and what may be coming up.

Whether single or in a relationship, thinking about your money each day might be helpful.  My mom used to say to me all the time “If you would just spend a few minutes each day working on your money you would have a handle on your finances and be successful.”  I’ve shared that advice with many people.  I have been told by several people that they work on their money a few minutes each day, just like my mom said, and there was a noticeable difference in their financial savvy.  I’m still working on coming close to reaching this worthwhile goal but I will keep trying.

The End