Building Rapport (but really prompted by the game LIFE)

If I were to see your kid in therapy, I’d play some games with him or her.  I know the questions that come up from parents.  Why are we paying for him to play games?  How is this helping her?  How is this making our lives easier? 

Playing games with kids, helps build rapport with the child.  Really – do we expect a child to go and share their secrets with a total stranger with whom they have no experience of having had a positive interaction.  I also use games to see how the child is developmentally, how they cope with challenges and losses and interacting with others but mostly to build rapport and start a basis for a therapeutic relationship and later to strengthen that relationship.

It seems so simple – playing with the child to strengthen a bond – but how often are you doing that at home?  The day to day activities of homework and driving to baseball or music lessons and juggling jobs and a million other commitments take its toll.  Sitting down to play a game with your child is probably the last thing you feel up to doing.

Try to plan some time to play a board game with your kids.  Your child – even the ones who vehemently deny it – does want your attention.  Although I think playing board games encourages better interaction and generates more teachable moments even a video game together can encourage rapport.  I tell you – back in the day my brother and I would never have had any bonding moments if it weren’t for playing video games together.

Although I genuinely am glad to promote playing and interacting with your kids to improve your relationship with them, I did have an ulterior motive for this post.

 I have a question about the board game LIFE.

I was playing LIFE the other day and I wondered why, in this time of amazing technological advances that the playing pieces for this game haven’t changed.  The game itself has changed with money amounts updated, careers in IT, and buying SUV’s as options.  But those little cars with the blue and pink pegs seem exactly the same as when I was little.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  You need really good fine motor skills to put them in place and they never stay in and you have loose peg people everywhere.  It just seems like someone, sometime could have invented a cool, new upgrade.  It must just be one of LIFE’s little mysteries.

This is your place

It may feel like you just don’t belong.  It may seem like everyone else has it all together and you aren’t measuring up.  You may feel like you don’t have the right to get what you want, to be happy, to reach your goals, to keep love, to be comfortable or whatever.  You do.  You deserve to be who you are and you deserve to live in your potential.  Maybe stop trying so hard and live in the now.  Tell yourself you can be happy and fulfilled and let it all play out.  Be kind to yourself.

“Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

Max Ehrmann

May is National Photo Month

May is National Photo Month. 

I like photos.  I think it is a throwback to my mom who had (and now I have)  about 50 or more photo albums.  With social media and the digital age it is probably less likely that people have photo albums but it is generally easier to share pictures.  Photos are a snapshot in time which hold our memories.  I don’t think I encourage it enough but I love when clients bring photos – whether a hard copy or on their phone or whatever- to a session to share.  It allows me to get a bit better picture of the client. 

 Below is a link to one of the worksheets I occasionally use to encourage the sharing of photos.

Family Snapshot Worksheet

Teen Self-Esteem Month

May is Teen Self-Esteem month.  I’m not always a fan of even the word “self-esteem” but what a great reminder to tell your teen something you love about them.  For some tips visit Tips.

I may not be totally on board with all of them but take what works for you.  All of us can take this a moment to remember to acknowledge and support the teens in our lives.  Value their opinions and be the best role model we can be for them.

Since we were talking about sex...

 Who says "I love you" first and why?

Saying I Love You

Hepatitis Awareness Month

I know this probably caught my eye because I work in a dialysis center and dialysis is always worried about Hepatitis B.  May is National Hepatitis Awareness Month.  For more information visit Hepatitis Org.

For information from the CDC on the importance of hand washing along with tips on hand washing visit CDC Handwashing

Sex - Talk About It!

Sex – It is ok to talk about it.  I’m just saying.

During a conversation with young women the topic moved toward talking with a partner about sex BEFORE being intimate.  The statements were “how do you do that?” Or “I don’t want him to think I want to have sex with him.” Or “I don’t want him to feel bad.” Or “I don’t want him to feel like he has to tell me stuff.” 

In this conversation we weren’t talking about hook-ups or casual sex – we were talking about relationships.  We were talking about being intimate with individuals that there was hope for a future with and an ongoing relationship.   We discussed about bring up condom use and expectations about the sexual aspect of their relationship.  No one seemed comfortable with the idea of the discussion.

I thought – “well they’re younger, as they gain maturity and experience they will better be able to do that. “

Then I mentioned this to some colleagues more around my age – a little older.  I got the exact same response.  I was really surprised.  Granted several were married and probably hadn’t been in the situation of starting a new relationship with someone in awhile but no one even seemed to even think it was important.  Their statements were “Just see what happens.” Or “Everyone knows what is going on.”

Really?  Here’s the thing.  I think I could find 10 people and ask them about their values and beliefs about sex.  I could ask about their experiences and what they thought was OK and what isn’t.  I would get 10 extremely varied answers.  I think we are surprised when a partner isn’t on the same page as us.  We assume their experience and values match ours.  The thing is there is no reason to assume is exactly like us – in fact they probably do have differing beliefs. 

Talk about Sex.  It is ok.

In high school there was a teacher that talked about sex constantly.  It was in the guise of life planning.  My friends and I had the inner mantra “please don’t talk about sex today, please don’t talk about sex today.”   True Story.

However, I did take one piece of information from that class.  One day when we came in this was written on the board.

“If you can't talk about in the light of day then you shouldn't do it in the dark of night.”

That’s good advice.

May is...

May is National Military Appreciation Month.

Thank-you all who served our country.  For more information visit  Military Appreciation Month and for links to the VA and Give an Hour visit  Julie Fanning Vet Resources. 

Gay Marriage Amendment in Minn.

Discussion by Minn. rep Steve Simon. Click below to see YouTube video.

How many gays must God create before we accept he wants them around?

Quote

This quote was on someone's facebook status.  I liked it so I'm sharing it with here.

"The violent destruction of evil should be treated with silence and solemnity, not crude celebration." 

M. Frost

Hope

Playing on the internet I found an article that supports my style of therapy.  I use humor a lot in sessions and my tag line is ~Helping You Hold Hope~

Humor Helps Hope

It is OK laugh and find humor in even situations that are horrific.  It doesn't mean you don't care enough or you aren't taking a situation seriously enough.  It means you are human.  It means that life is complicated and there is often bits of humor and hope, even in immense pain.  Tell a joke, share a funny memory, speak your mind.  It is ok to laugh.

May is Mental Health Month

May is National Mental Health Month.  A whole month to celebrate mental health.  So often we overlook our mental health.  Maybe we don’t see it as being vital.  Having a positive outlook or good mental health can improve our physical health.  If you are struggling there is not shame in asking for help.  So many people have undiagnosed mental health issues because of stigma, fear and buying into the whole "pull yourself up by the bootstrap" mentality.  Getting help is not a sign of weakness - it is being courageous, giving priority to taking care of yourself and in turn helping those around you.

For more information visit on National Mental Health Month visit Mental Health America.