goddess quiz

I admit it.  When I have time or am procrastinating, I might take a personality or fun quiz or two.  On a board I watch someone put out a goddess quiz which is apparently based on the book “Goddess in Everywoman” by Jean Bolen.  Sometimes it may feel like none of the answer fits but if you just stick with it the explanations of the goddess are interesting.

Which goddess fits you? 

What I like about a quiz like this one is that I believe it lets us look at ourselves a little differently.  Maybe consider what are our strengths and struggles.  I’m all about self reflection.

The highest answer when I took the quiz was Persephone by quite a bit.  She is someone who had quite the struggles in mythology.  Her mother is involved, Hades is involved, the underworld, mystery and violence all present.

However, she is also known for being a reminder that after winter spring comes.  Some places describe her as offering hope and renewal at the time we are in the most despair.  She helps us bring us back to light and helps us transform to new.

As a therapist one of my greatest wishes and hopefully skill is to help you keep hope that change is possible and help you see that darkness isn’t all there is.  I wish that you could all remember that hope isn’t a horrible word and that even your darkest moments will pass.

Quarter Life Crisis? Mid Life Crisis?

I see a lot of articles and blogs about “quarter life crisis.”  This would be similar to what people call a midlife crisis but happens when you are in your mid twenties.  It  is a time when you ask yourself all the searching questions.  Why is my life so routine?  Is there more than this?  What is coming next?  Am I wasting my life?  What can I do to seize the moment?.  You then get on with your living your life.  This article here describes the 5 stages of a quarter life crisis.

5 stages of a quarter life crisis

Here is the thing though.  I’m reading this article and I’m thinking “isn’t that just what life is?”  There are times we mark time, there are periods of growth and renewal, there are times of commitment and joy.  Do we have to qualify it as an event?  I am hopeful that we are always searching for more or our better selves not just at the ages of 25 and 40.  My wish for people is that we are always living and looking for more.  I hope that people take time to sit quietly, build connections, take chances and find joy.  Why categorize and wait till a certain age to have a “crisis”?  There is no magical time when we shouldn't be growing and the answers are all suddenly clear.  There are always questions and one of the joys of the journey is searching out the answers.   Try to always look inward and outward to live the life you were meant to live.

Religion,Politics,Culture - Get talking about it!

One ‘rule’ of much of polite society is that you shouldn’t discuss religion and politics with people.  (Unless, of course, you are already positive they have the same views as you do and you can just sit around agreeing with each other.) 

You probably hear people say “it isn’t like anyone is going to change their mind.”  Unfortunately, just for that reason alone it is often good advice to just not go ‘there’.  Often people are so ingrained in their ideas they don’t listen and they aren’t open to even considering views that contradict their beliefs.  An individual so wants to make a case for their idea that they don’t listen to the other person’s views and there is no reason for the discourse.

I think there is something sad about this.  Back in the day before your strong opinions were formed - didn’t you enjoy talking about all the possibilities out there?  Wasn’t there a kind of fun in figuring out your values?  Often we start out with values that are the same as our parents (or the direct opposite.) Then we get the joy of the journey to figure out where we really stand.   Many times when we are young we are open to looking at new and different ways of thinking. 

People seem to lose the willingness along the way. I think we miss out if we don’t talk about subjects like religion, spirituality, government, laws, families, and culture just to name a few.  I absolutely love when I really listen to someone and am able to think “I never thought of it that way before.”  Our lives and the societies we live in change constantly.  Doesn’t it seem as if with all the new information out there that we should be taking it in and seeing if our current values still hold true. 

I consider it a failure that so many avoid diving in and having discussions – real discussions about what we believe in.  Not in an effort to change someone’s mind but to share viewpoints and respect the differences. 

Even discussions about topics that you feel strongly about could benefit from being open for discussion.  Sometimes we shy away from hearing other sides because it may feel uncomfortable and it might challenge our beliefs.  A lot of people balk at challenges to their beliefs.  Reevaluating ourselves can be scary.

If your viewpoints are solid – really listening to someone else’s beliefs will not crumble your beliefs, they may help clarify why you believe what you believe.  Or you may gain additional insight or adjust your opinion as you learn.  One of the amazements of life is that we can grow, change, and learn.

Life is complicated and contradictory – doesn’t it make sense that our values and beliefs would be too. Next time a ‘forbidden’ topic comes up try seeing if there is a way to have a genuine discussion and allow you to be open and engaged.  You might be surprised.

Texting - It's no way to argue.

I like to text.  I finally added unlimited texting to my plans because of high usage. Some communication is perfect for texting.  Yes/No questions, a quick check in, a request or a “thinking about you” all seem appropriate to me.

There is some communication that is not served well by text. 

In depth conversations and solving problems are not generally conducive to text messaging.   I have found in my personal and professional life that many people seem to have complicated conversations over text and then are surprised when there are misunderstandings.  I’m not even talking about teens and early adults who are probably much more adapt at text communication than folks a bit older.  I’m talking about adults in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.  I've seen entire relationships which seem to dissolve over rapidly exchanged texts.

If communication is something like 90% non-verbal then why would I think that you are going to get the nuances I am conveying via text?  I’m talking not just gestures and facial expressions but tone and variations of our voice.  How many times have I heard someone ask “what do you think they meant by that text?”  Well I just don't know.  They put LOL but it seems kind of mean.  There are so very many ways a text can be misinterpreted.  

People seem braver with texting.  If you are texting something you would never say to the person face to face – reconsider texting it.  There is a reason you wouldn't be willing to look into someone else's eyes and the say the same thing.  

Texting the tough stuff allows you to distance yourself from the uncomfortable emotions.   To get to the other side – to process a situation – you might have to feel the yucky emotions.  A text may not get across the emotions you are trying to share.  It is difficult to validate another person in text and continue a conversation.  We’ve all gotten the texts that are so long they go on for 4 or 5 texts.  Your phone keeps pinging as you try to keep up with the message.   Then if you happen to add autocorrect to the mix who knows what you are saying.   Autocorrect once changed the word I was typing “iffy” to “orgy” which was not what I was trying to say.  There is no wonder on why texts can be misunderstood.

There are just so many variables with text and in some ways it is allowing yourself to have an excuse not to step up, deal with emotion and connect.  Being open and vulnerable is hard – but can be so very worth it.

Next time you are tempted to text - ask yourself if it is really the right way to be communicating this issue.   If not – try talking face to face (if it is technology you are looking for talk via skype.)  You may be surprised how well it works!

August is...

If you are looking for a reason to celebrate (not that you need one – joy is always in style)…Here are some August observances.

~Happiness Happens Month

~National Runaway Prevention Month

~August 25 – 31 – Be Kind to Humankind Week  (kindness is virtually always for the win)

~4^th – National Chocolate Chip Day (Its passed but I bet it would be Ok to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies to celebrate.)

~8^th – Sneak some zucchini on your neighbor’s porch day  ( I have no idea why someone would do this or why it gets its own holiday but what the heck.)

~15^th Best Friends Day (Shout out to my BFF Karen!)

~25^th – Kiss and Make up day

~30 – National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Take note of the little things – they can add up.

Drink Cold Water

I vent a lot.  I am a person who processes by venting.  At the dialysis center I also work at the secretary, Li, is often the ear who gets to hear all my declarations.  She mostly responds by saying “go, drink cold water.”  You know what?  That is good advice.  When you feel keyed up or agitated try it.  Stop.  Breathe.  Drink Cold Water.  You might be surprised how much it helps.

Being You

How often have you heard (or given the advice) – “just be yourself.”  It is good advice.  It seems logical.  It seems simple.  I mean, how hard can it be to just “be yourself”?  Being ourselves is the one thing which each of us should excel!

Why then is it is so darn hard to just be ourselves?  What messages do you give yourself telling yourself there is something wrong with the way you are?   What are you thinking about when you think you need to act a certain way.  Do you compare yourself to others?  Do you think they’d never struggle or that they are so together and think maybe if you acted a bit more like them you’d be better?

What is so hard about trusting our own instincts?  I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking to be successful I would need to be something other than “myself”. 

Although I was born to be a social worker, I wasn’t exactly sure I would be a great therapist.  My idea of a therapist was someone who was academic, quiet, and easily knew all the correct things to say to clients.  When I started moving in the direction of becoming a therapist I really tried to emulate what I thought a perfect therapist was.  I wanted to seem smart and be able to spout off theories and explanations.  You know what?  I just wasn’t very successful at it.  I would struggle to build a genuine relationship because I wasn’t being genuine.  I gradually learned that I was much more connected and even much more insightful when I just was me. When I let myself use humor, be conversational and quote clichés, I did a much better job.   Being a therapist also became infinitely easier and more enjoyable because I was being myself. I’m sure my clients benefited too because who wants to build a relationship with someone who is trying to be someone else.

Next time you see you are struggling, try examining if you are being yourself.  Are you trying to fit your behavior into some constructed template?   Are you trying to live up to how you think you should be?  Try trusting your inner voice.  You know what you are doing.  You know who you are.  Just be you.