Totally random post…

Robert Frost’s Poem:  Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171621

I have always absolutely loved the last stanza of this poem.  I have actually thought that if I would ever get a quote tattooed on me (which I’m guessing I never will) it would be the lines “…But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.”

Sometimes there are just sayings or lines in songs that touch something in us – even if no one else gets it.  The things that resonate us tells a lot about a person.  I’m not always sure what.

Grab on to those things that resonate with you.  They are who you are.

See.  Totally random.

Article Share

A way to look at the tips for eating well during the holiday (and really any) season.  The tips listed that
the author questions - how many times have we heard the exact same ones.  I know I've heard them a million times.

http://partnershipinwellness.com/blog/?p=605

The author gives some helpful insight into health eating!

Smile

I just thought I’d remind you not to underestimate the power of a smile.  My favorite compliment given to me is “I like your smile.”



It is inevitable that at the dialysis center at which I also work, at just the time I’m getting frustrated by being asked to fax MORE medical records or help with some other aggravating issue, a patient will stop me.  The patient will say something like “I look forward to your smile” or “I always feel better when you say ‘hi’ and smile” or “it can be so dreary here, then you come out and smile and everything brightens up for a little while.”



I know you can't help smiling when
you see this picture!



It reminds me that connecting to others is what it is about.  How hard is it to just smile at someone?  During this time a year it is easy for everyone to get so busy.  Take a moment and smile at the stranger standing with you on the corner.  Smile at cashier at the store.  Smile at your significant other or children even if they are driving you a bit crazy.  It is not magic.  It is not difficult.   It can make a world of difference to someone.  Smile.

Good Advice

When someone tells me they don’t have time to do something they want to do, I usually tell them that a person makes time for the things they want to do.  I tell them to make time for the things that will get them where they want to go, bring them joy or serenity or whatever they need. 

That’s good advice.

I’m going to work on following it.

Adding A Nutritionist to My Practice

Even as a therapist, I have doubts and fears.  It is true.  So, I have been a bit up in the air about sharing adding a Nutritionist to my private practice.

An opportunity came up recently that would allow me to add a nutritionist/dietitian to my practice.  I’m excited about it.  I am actually a bit disappointed because I’ve been getting a lot of confused reactions.  I try to explain that it is just another  option. If someone wants to talk to a nutritionist about food in addition to therapy or even as a whole separate thing, I can provide that for them.   I don’t plan on it being my niche or even brining it up unless it fits the situation.  However, my experience has shown me that eating, food, and body image come up more than not during therapy. I just think it is awesome to have the choice if the desire presents itself. (And I’m hoping to add a few more little options as time progresses.  Fingers crossed.)

I have several (maybe a bit rambling) thoughts on why I am excited to add a Nutritionist to my practice.

1)      I believe that we are more than our mind.  I believe our mind and body work together so many people might want some added insight to nutrition or that support when trying to eat the best for them.

2)      Messages about thin and fat and appearance are thrown at each of us all day long.  Everyone has an opinion about our appearance.  It doesn’t even matter if you are thin or fat or have an ugly nose or the most attractive person on this earth, someone will find something negative about our physicality and too often a part of us will wholeheartedly buy into the critique.  Also, sometimes, in our culture an individual is given the message that no matter what they do to their appearance it will never be enough.

3)      Most women I see and most women I know (and even a few of the men) have so much of their self-esteem and identity tied into their physical appearance.   . This makes me so sad because each of us is so much more than our appearance.  I have had people tell me that if someone is fat that they can’t imagine they could be happy.  Well, you know what, someone who is fat can be happy.  I’m happy. 

4)      Sometimes it is like there is no happy medium.  Either a person eats too much or not enough or not the right foods or has to think about food all the time.  My wish is that each of us could incorporate the nutrition that is best for us into our lives and not make food our identity

5)       I have spent my life struggling with weight; never in my recent memory even being close to what most would say is a ‘normal’ size. I will probably continue to struggle throughout my life with eating and food.  Although as many of you know, it can feel like a failure on my part but it really isn’t.  It is part of who I am and one of the struggles that I get to engage in and learn from in my life.  I may not be able or willing to do everything that would be helpful for me but I am certainly going to benefit from knowledge and learning more if I choose to.  I feel like as the therapist I work with people on acceptance of self and that it is not about our size (small or large) but on who we are and how we feel.  This was one of my doubts about adding a nutritionist to my practice.  The fear that people would be like "really- you?"  Then of course I realized it doesn't matter so much what people say but that I am true to myself and what I want to offer my clients.

6)      Many of us have distorted views of what we eat and how we look.  Our family and friends often even feed into this.  I often say having a neutral person to talk about our goals, life and fears with is essential.  Maybe it is just as essential to get a check up with a neutral person about our food habits and what we eat.

You might look at a couple of the bullet points and think “isn’t that an argument against having a nutritionist?”  I’d give a resounding “no”.  I believe that pretending food, eating and appearance issues don’t exist won’t make them go away.  I think balance is the key and we should have all the tools possible to live the best life we can live for us.

(More on the amazing nutritionist and such later!)

A last short note on my forgiveness kick…

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget" is only another way of saying, "I will not forgive."
Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note--torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one.”    Paul Boese

I agree with this.  This actually may fall under “one of Julie’s annoyances.”

I know you’ve heard it.  I’ve heard it thousands of times.  “I forgive them but I’m not going to forget.”  I’m with the above quote, that not forgetting isn’t forgiveness.  It always seems to me that “not forgetting” is holding the act over the person.  It seems like not forgetting means that it is still there and may be insidiously, quietly hiding resentment.  If a person is in a relationship with someone, it seems like for the relationship to be successful, that there has to be actual forgiveness.  It is hard to believe that having past deeds festering in the back of the mind will be beneficial to a relationship in the future.

Maybe this is why I don’t believe that forgiveness is warranted in every situation.  I can either accept and live with something and forgive or I can’t.  I’m not saying set yourself up to get hurt repeatedly but maybe if that fear is always there in the back of your mind there are other issues to deal with.

I don’t know.  I just think that forgiving is wiping the slate clean and if a part of me is “remembering” then I haven’t really completely forgiven.


“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” ~ Confucius

Forgiving Ourselves

I'm apparently having a "Julie's Thoughts on Forgiveness Week."  I'm Ok with that.

The other day I posted about forgiving our friends.  Something I see as even more important and so much more difficult is forgiving ourselves.

Not one of us is perfect.  If holding on to rage and resentment to someone who has hurt us is detrimental, then imagine what holding on to rage and resentment towards you is doing to your sense of being. 

How do you forgive yourself? 

1)      Remind yourself that it is OK that you make mistakes.  You are not perfect and weren’t meant to be perfect.  Think about the expectations of yourself.  Are they realistic?  If they aren’t then work on readjusting them.

2)      Feel the emotions.  Feel the regret.  Feel the sadness.  Feel the feelings of inadequacy. Even feel the shame.   Many people avoid feeling.  These feelings don’t go away, they stay with us.  Feel them.  Acknowledge them.  If you do this the intensity will lesson.

3)      Take action.  Is there anything you can do to fix the situation.  Maybe there isn’t something directly you can do but you can choose to do something indirectly too.  (Don’t, though, get caught up in punishing yourself or making yourself do penance.  It will never feel like enough.)  Take any action.  When people take action, they often immediately feel better.

4)      Take whatever lesson you learned or experience you’ve gained and own it.  Try your best to use it in the future.

5)      Remind yourself that you are forgivable.  (You are worthy of forgiveness!)

“If you haven’t forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?”

           
Dolores Huerta.

“As soon as one forgives oneself, it is like taking away a bandage that covered one’s eyes.  When the bandage is gone, then one can see that the ones that love us have already forgiven us long ago and still there loving us.”     Juan Cavallo

Friends and Forgiveness

Or... Random ramblings on another quote. 

"We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends." Sir Francis Bacon

This quote caught my attention.  Not so much the part about forgiving our enemies, because even though I fully believe resentment and anger can slowly kill our soul, I don’t know if it is always a good idea to encourage people to forgive those who may have egregiously hurt them.  I think it is more important to process and figure out how to not let someone else’s actions eat us up inside and how to not get lost in anger toward someone.  What is important is not letting rage, anger or resentment consume you so you become that unhappy, angry person.

The part of the quote that did catch my attention is the part of forgiving our friends.  This is the area I see people struggling with a lot.  Friends sometimes disappoint us.  I see so many people cut friends out of their lives over something that in the big picture is probably not that important.  I don’t believe that people should keep others who are constantly disrespecting or not valuing them in their lives but our friends our only human. 

Our friends have bad days and make stupid decisions and may say hurtful things.  For many, it seems easier sometimes to just let go of a friendship then trying to reconcile and work it out.  The reconciling part is always a little uncomfortable.  I wonder if many people’s aversion to uncomfortable feelings allows them to throw away a friendship rather than feel the yucky feelings of figuring it out.  I’m as guilty as the next person.  I look back at my life and there is a friendship or two that I wish I had taken the time to reconcile and nurture.  My life would be richer with those people in it.

 

Friends (and people in general) aren’t disposable.  Some might argue that so much in life and our families are difficult and that friendships should be easy.  I think any relationship - friends or others - take time and work and ultimately are worth it.  I am eternally grateful that my best friend has seen clear to forgive me over the years.  I would be a much poorer person if she wasn’t in my life (as, I believe, I add something to her life.)  Next time a friend disappoints or irritates you, take a moment and ask yourself if this is a relationship worth saving.  Ask yourself if you are throwing something away too quickly.  Ask yourself if you get over the awkwardness or disappointment if you will miss this person in your life.  You are worth having substantial relationships.  (I’m adding that statement because life gets in the way and people seem to forget they can have multiple people in their lives.)  Give forgiving your friends a try.

If one by one we counted people out

For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long

To get so we had no one left to live with.

For to be social is to be forgiving.

Mahatma Gandhi

Random Quote

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future”  Oscar Wilde

I just like this quote. No matter who we are we have a past which made us this person.  Yet our past doesn’t define us.  The quote seems hopeful because no matter our past we can shape our future.  That is all.

December is...

I have been remiss at sharing the monthly observances.  I know that people urgently wait to know what they should celebrate.  Actually - there are no shoulds.  Celebrate whatever you would like - big or little, just remember to celebrate!

December IS...

·        Read a New Book Month

·        Rising Star Month

·        Universal Human Rights Month

·        Tomato and Winter Squash Month

·        5^th – Bathtub Party Day (You don’t want to miss this!)

·        10^th – Dewey Decimal System Day

·        26^th – National Whiner’s Day  (Complain a way.  I mean it won't change anything but why not indulge once in awhile.)

·        31 – Make up your mind Day  (Just take the leap and do it!)

Try celebrating the little things.  : )