Still Moved - Check it Out!

Don't forget that my blog has moved to "holdinghopeservices.com"   I look forward to seeing you there!

Moving Blog

Hi everyone!  I am moving my blog to www.holdinghopeservices.com.  I am hoping in the process to get rid of the weird alpha interventions thing and have a nice new platform.  Please update your bookmarks.  Click on the link below.  Looking forward to seeing everyone there!    


Holding Hope Services Blog

Independence Day

I thought I might as well do a requisite Independence Day Post.  Happy Fourth of July to those in the United States.  The fourth reminds me of all the things I am grateful for.  I am grateful that I have choices to be who I want to be.  Many more women in this world do not have the opportunity to say, act, dress and be whoever they want to be.  I am grateful that I can believe and state my beliefs without fear of imprisonment or retribution.  I am grateful that I can speak up for what I believe in and that those who have opposite views of me can speak up too.  I am grateful that I can choose to go to any church I’d like or choose not to go to church at all.  I love the individuality values of America.   I am grateful that I don’t live in a homogenous culture – I have the opportunity to meet and know so many people from different worlds than I am from.  I am grateful despite the limitations and struggles in this country that there are still endless opportunities.

I’d also like to thank all the individuals who served this country.  I thank those who choose to serve and those who were made to, those who are remembered and those who are forgotten and those who made the ultimate sacrifice.  It is because of these people I am able to enjoy my freedoms.

Hope you have a wonderful Independence Day.

June is PTSD Awareness Post II

The first post I did spoke about some of the events causing trauma and some of the symptoms a person might experience.  Maybe now you recognize trauma in yourself and wonder what now.  Here are some tips to coping with traumatic events.

June is PTSD Awareness Month Post I

Now that June is almost over it seems like I should have mentioned that June is PTSD awareness month. Here is part of a rack card I created about PTSD.  What I think is most important for people to know is that no matter how hopeless a situation feels that if you hang in there, it will get better.  That is where my business name Holding Hope Services is coming from.  I can hold hope for someone until they can do it for themselves.

Taking My Own Advice

One of my goals of trying the 30 posts in 30 days challenge was to get writing regularly again.  You see how well that worked out.  The phenomenal thing is that I finally feel like I have time to write again.  During my little hiatus I decided to take my own advice.  I decided to remember that life is meant to be lived and not endured and that a person can’t profit from  a risk if they never take a chance.  I decided to take a chance. As much as I love private practice, I did not enjoy my day job.  I love the patients I saw but the job itself- not so much.  So,   I quit my W-2 job and decided to jump full into private practice.  This means I am relying totally on myself to make enough money to live.  This is  a scary proposition but worth it to do what I love.  

Hopefully, I will have more time to be creative and relish all that life puts before me. 

Quote

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.” 
― Jonathan Safran Foer

I saw this quote today and something about the words touched me.  Sometimes, I feel exactly this way.  I feel there are so many possibilites and so many paths not taken.  The real tragedy, I think, would to not dare to live at least one full, amazing life.  What barriers are you putting up to living the life you can imagine.  Tear those barrier downs.  Then you can think about the path you are taking and revel.

Choice

I've decided that my choice is to do what I love.  I believe doing what I love, living my passions will bring me contentment and happiness.  Sometimes I put obstacles and barriers of my own making into place and it gets in the way of fully living my journey.  I feel like I have to earn good times and getting what I want.  It turns out that I don't.  Sometimes life is hard and sometimes I make it harder than it needs to be.  Today I am going to choose to not put up fake barriers.  Today I am going to choose happiness.  What are you going to choose today?

Really Random (totally non-relevant to anything) advice for Today

Be open to new things I say.  We have opportunity to learn each day.  Sometimes we get so set in our ways that we forget to be open.  It seems that people may worry that if they take in new information and learn that it I somehow a reflection on them not being good enough.  Instead of listening to new information we become defensive and miss out.  Learning and adjusting our thinking with our new knowledge is an amazing gift we have – don’t waste it.





I most recently learned that it is not a good idea to put shower gel in the little foot spa I have at home.  It is one of those little things that you put your feet in and it bubbles and warms your feet.  I thought  to myself “why not put a couple of drops of shower gel in there.”  This was not a good idea.  I turned my back for less than a minute and there were bubbles EVERYWHERE.  There were lots and lots and lots of bubbles.  The bubbles were pretty, which I noted and enjoyed, but an absolute mess to clean up.  (Which is a bit like some of life really.  Things can be beautiful and messy and a pain to clean up.)  It was like the only one time in your life (for me it was with my roommates in college) where you run out of dishwasher soap so you think what would it hurt to use a bit of regular dish sink soap instead.    You quickly learn that is not a good idea when over half your kitchen is saturated with bubbles.  It was kind of like that.



To sum up my totally random ramblings of today:  Bubbles are pretty and are to be enjoyed.  Also – be open to learning new things – it is one way to grow and embrace joy in your life!

Why I Care that May is Mental Health Awareness Month

I want people to speak about Mental Health.  There is too much stigma and shame attached to mental illness and mental health.

If I could get people to do one thing, I would get them to speak up about mental illness.  This comes from a very personal place.  I grew up with a mother who had a severe mental illness.  Her behavior could vacillate from very normal and appropriate to outright bizarre. 

 Let me give you a couple of examples of bizarre.  These are only a couple examples of pretty consistent,constant behavior during her bad times.  During one of my first two years of high school there was a parent’s night where the parents go to all your classes and the teachers talked about their curriculum.  My parents went and during the time when my French teacher was talking, my mom stared at the ceiling.  Stared at the ceiling and sung her ABC’s loudly because she had a thing about listening to gossip.  In her mind the teacher was gossiping so my mom had to show whoever that she wouldn’t listen so she was disruptive.  This is bizarre. 

Let me give you another example.  At one of my band concerts my mom passed notes to the person behind her that said things like “I know you why you are here.”   She was sure most of the people around her were trying to trick her and cause her trouble.  This is bizarre.

No one talked about it.

Outside of our family no one mentioned my mom’s actions to me.  Maybe (read maybe as definitely) they talked about how weird she was behind her back but that isn’t necessarily helpful.

 

As a child, I knew that something wasn’t right.  I even knew my mom was in emotional pain most of the time.  This means as a child I really questioned most adult’s intellect because couldn’t they see something was wrong.  I believe my mom and in turn my family suffered for far longer than necessary because of shame and stigma attached to Mental Illness.  I know there are millions of others that suffer similarly.

Maybe if my parents or family had any idea about mental illness, the services out there, and the medication available or even had a name for what was going on, some of their pain would have been alleviated.  Her family was amazing in that they accepted her for who she was but they also had no idea how to help the situation.  Maybe if people spoke up there would be less stigma.  Shame and stigma come from things being hidden and being buried like something is so wrong it can’t see the light of day.

Mental Health is important.  Taking care of your mental health, wherever you are on the continuum, is not shameful.  My mom eventually received help after many years and found the right mix of medication.  She always struggled with mental illness but it stopped being what defined her.  She was a whole person who happened to have a mental illness.  I hope other families are able to speak up and not suffer in silence.

Speak up and tell your stories.

End of Ultimate Blog Challenge

At the beginning of April I decided to participate in the ultimate blog challenge of 30 posts in 30 days because I like competing with myself and because I felt like I was lazy about getting posts up.   I completed a lot of blog starts but not so many finishes and I felt like I wanted to finish some.

I ended up with   26/30  posts (counting this one.)  Not so bad.  There was a moment last week where I thought “I’m not going to make my goal, I better do a bunch a quick posts.”  Then I thought, “why?”   The 30 out of 30 was a goal I made up for myself.  (It was a should but since shoulds are all made up there is no reason not to change it.)   I have had an exceptionally busy two weeks and I decided balance and down time were more important than completing some random blog posts.

I believe this is something for all of us to remember.  First, goals are flexible.  Yes, it is great to reach a goal but it is about the journey not the destination.  Many goals are not meet at all cost goals.  Two,  taking care of ourselves and finding balance is more important than reaching an arbitrary goal.

Thank you to everyone who read my musings this past month.  My hope is I am energized and will post regularly!

Happy May Day Tomorrow.

Things Not To Say

I saw this article on things on to say to mothers.  Worth reading!

8 Things Never to Say To moms 

Several things I wouldn't say to anybody, not just moms.

A good rule of thumb is to be kind in your intractions.  Telling someone they really need to dye their hair (if it is not your very best friend in the world) isn't helpful.  The other day one of my bosses said that to me.  Instead of being helpful (which I know her and she was genuinely trying to be helpful), I wasted moments of my life worrying about my hair.  Just saying.

So..  Ask yourself if what you are saying is helpful or hurtful (before you say it.)  Be Kind. Be Kind. Be Kind.

More of My Thoughts on Food and Stuff

Since working in dialysis I have been fortunate enough to work with some phenomenal dietitians.  For someone who has weight issues it can be daunting to start working with a dietitian.  Initially, I would wonder “are they watching what I eat?” and wonder if they are judging me for my weight.  Turns out those are my own issues and not my coworker dietitians.

When I became friends with the nutritionists I worked with I saw that they were also just people with a specialty and passion for food and nutrition.  Sometimes they struggle with their weight and eating too.  I’ve become a person who completely encourages individuals to work with nutritionists if possible.  They can be so much a resource.  (They are not the eating police.)

“I know what to do, I just don’t do it.”  I am sure I’ve said it before.  Many of my family and even clients have said it too.  The thing is I think that is just an excuse not to move forward and live healthier.  Nutritionists can help in so many ways.  The Nutritionist, Christine, with my practice is a busy mom.  I bet she can help you plan easy and healthy meals both you and your kids can eat.  She has a passion whe can share with people. In my quest to give up (or at least greatly reduce) my intake of diet coke, Christine, was the first person to help me figure out an alternative.  (It turns out it isn’t the taste of diet coke that was keeping me drinking it.  Water, flavored or otherwise wouldn’t work as a substitution because it was the carbonation I was craving.  Who knew?)  I have been maintaining a greatly decreased intake of diet coke because she asked me the right questions.

Taking the time to join weight watchers and talk about is helpful because I am not just living in denial, I am paying attention to what I eat.  I know sometimes that I put food in my mouth without thought and I bet I’m not the only one. This is one way for me to take responsibility.  I don't know how far I'll go but this time is wasted because it is a time when I am present and in the moment with food.

Ok.  Probably more than you ever wanted to know about my thoughts on Nutrionists and food but what the heck.  Today’s parting advice:  Don’t let past perceived failures get in the way of living the way you’d like today.

Tell Everyone

I am someone who hasn’t known a day of my life where my weight wasn’t a struggle.  Although I believe in the connection between our mind and body I haven’t made a concerted effort to live a healthier lifestyle recently.  Now I am taking that step.  I’m trying to mesh my values and my actions.  (This pretty much always leads to a more content soul.)

First I cut my intake of caffeine (particularly diet coke) by 95%.   I’ve seemed to work this into my daily life so I have started the next step – losing weight and healthier eating. 

I want to lose weight but my overall goal is to physically feel better and live well.  I joined Weight Watchers online in an effort to really focus on my eating.

My instinct is to keep it a secret.   If I don’t tell people I’m trying to lose weight then it won’t matter if I can’t do it.  Wait.  I realize this means I’ve already decided to fail.  Not good.  I would benefit from following my own advice.  1) Don’t decide the outcome before I’ve lived the journey.  2)  It is not a pass/fail situation.  Every change I make, every time I take a moment to be aware of my food, every healthier choice I make is progress.  It isn’t about the finish line but about changing the way I live and enjoying the journey.

This I will remind myself.

This time I’m telling everyone what I’m trying to do.  (Day 2 of working on healthier choices.) This is a subject I have a lot to say on so I’m sure you’ll be hearing about this again.  Live the journey before you decide you are going to fail.

In Your Twenties

This article caught my eye on my FB feed. 

Our Roaring 20s the Defining Decade 

It is definitely worth a look.  I love working with adults in their young twenties.  It is fun looking at the possibilities of life and all that may come.  I often find myself frustrated.  More than once in consultation I have talked about separating my issues from the young clients.  I struggle with the idea that so many in their early twenties don’t seem motivated to get out there and live life.  Many seem OK to live at mom and dads forever.  It is not unusual for a 24 or 25 year old tell me their mom told them they weren’t allowed to do something.  Inside I’m thinking, “You’re an adult – you can do it anyway.”  Of course if you’re financial dependent on the parents then maybe you can’t.  

I don’t think it an issue of laziness just different expectations and current trends.  I want the young people to get out there and do amazing things, find their careers, find their passions, and experience experiences.  I constantly checking if it is my wishes or their goals that I’m championing because obviously clients know themselves best and know what they want and honoring that is imperative.

I agree with the author about the twenties being a huge defining time in our lives, however it is not the only chance.  I know I am so very different than I was even at 30.  I have more passion, hope and drive so I don’t believe not having a wild and crazy twenties is definite deterrent to creating oneself but all that time when you could start embracing life.  Think of your twenties and what you could have missed out.

Remember, without those experiences you won’t have good stories to tell as you get older.  Just a thought.

Sparkling

Happy Beginning of the Week.


How about you make tomorrow (or Today) a sparkling day.  Stop saving all your special outfits and your anticipated activities for a special day.  How often do we save something so we have something to look forward to.  Why?  Live today.  I have this blue shirt I love to wear.  It has sequence on it and I don't think a day has gone by that I've worn it and someone hasn't said "you look sparkly."  Well, why not.  I was going to get my hair done - why not celebrate.  I wonder how great today could be if you just decided to sparkle and celebrate.  

So totally random I can't even say

This is a totally random Julie post which has nothing to do with mental health at all and really no redeeming value in the order of things.  However, I am trying to do 30 posts in 30 days and it is Saturday so I'm writing anyway.  (See~make your own rules and don't get caught up in the shoulds ~just saying.)


I was flossing my teeth (yes, I'm trying to be dental smart after so many years of being dental not smart) and I have to use floss that is attached to a plastic pick thing.  I cannot stand the feel of floss on my fingers.  It just grosses me out to no end.  I have no idea why but it is true.


I also am really disgusted by wet toilet paper.  One of my aunts used to work with two year olds in a daycare and one of her activities was to make "clean mud."  Basically it is lots and lots of toilet paper which has been watered down.  Kids could then play in it like it was mud.  I just...no.   I worked with the older toddlers in the room next to her and I would have dealt with paint all over the place or a table full of water before that any day.  I can't imagine a scenario where I would voluntarily deal with wet toilet paper.  It is creeping me out writing about.


Floss and wet toilet paper bother me but I can work in a dialysis center and see people's blood circulating next to them and I don't bat an eye.  Just like me you probably have words you just don't like and can't stand hearing.  I wonder where our idiosyncratic dislikes come from? 


What are your intense dislikes?  What disgusts you that other people wouldn't even notice?


See, a totally irrelevant to life post.  You may now be thinking this is a minute of your life you will never get back. I probably should be sorry about that but I try not to get caught up in the shoulds.


Happy Saturday.

April is...

April is Stress awareness month…

Another reason to celebrate – yay.  (Which could alleviate stress ~ see how it all goes together.)

I think of stress as being heavy and weighted.  Stress brings us down when we are focusing on too many things or have some gigantic worry on our mind.  Even good things can contribute to stress like having a baby or getting a new job.  What is important is how you take care of yourself.  Some people exercise, some people scream, some people have sex, some people get lost in fanfiction for hours (totally not me – really.)  What do you do when you are stressed?  Do you have a plan?  Keep a list of activities to distract and calm your mind so you have a readily available idea to jump into.   It is important to step back and combat stress occasionally.  Without a break from stress your mental and physical well-being can be negatively impacted. Below are some links to follow to find out more about stress awareness month.

http://www.foh.dhhs.gov/calendar/april.html 

http://stressawarenessmonth.com/ 

http://stress.about.com/b/2012/04/07/daily-piece-of-peace-celebrate-stress-awareness-month-with-low-stress-living.htm

Veterans

I wanted to amplify the Veteran's Job and Resource Fair my brother coordinates in the Elgin area. 

Veteran's Summit - Elgin, IL May 22, 2012 9:00-1:00pm

There will be lots of services there which could be helpful for veterans.  You can also find out information about the fair by going to the Elgin Community College Calendar at www.elgin.edu .

If you are looking for resources they are out there.  There is free mental health counseling for veterans of the OIF/OEF campaigns through Give An Hour.

You can also look up services through the VA at Veterans Administration or get information from National Veterans Foundation .

You are not alone.  There is assistance out there!

Doctor Who Quote 2

Hello,

I'm ready to share my next favorite Doctor Who quote (and no they are not in any particular order.)

For the previous Doctor Who Blog Post follow the link below.

04/03/2012 - Doctor Who Quote 1 (and explanation)

“Letting it get to you. That’s being alive; it’s being here right now. And that’s the best thing there is.”-11th Doctor, /The Doctor’s Wife/

Many of people’s struggles with the problems in their life have to do with avoiding emotions.  I’ve said it before allow you to feel those uncomfortable feelings – they aren’t going to go away by ignoring them.  Not only will feeling those emotions help you, feeling them will also enable you to be comfortable around other people who are struggling with their own rough feelings.    You can sit with them and witness instead of distracting them in an effort to lighten the mood. (Yes, I know I am guilty of this. I’m working on it.)

I think this quote is not just about struggles but staying in the moment and living fully.  When you feel passionate about something, shout it out to the world.  When you are happy – share it.  When something gets to you – speak out.  Feel.  Be alive.  Don’t worry about looking stupid or doing it wrong – just live.

And just for fun the BBC trailer from the episode "The Doctor's Wife."

For Mothers

Eye Candy Designs on Etsy

When I saw this I just wanted every mother to take this heart.  Sure there are things you could do better - would do better if acting on hindsight was possible.  However,  you do a million things perfectly.  Your children are better off because you are their mother and you love them.  Trust yourself.  Love yourself.  You are an amazing mother.

Live the Journey

Each year I make a collage with pictures and phrases that I want to
keep up front in my mind as the New Year progresses.  The pictures and
phrases are specific to me and the person I am hoping to be.  This
year one of my phrases was “not to decide the outcome before I live
the journey.”  Do you ever find yourself not trying something because you already know what the outcome will be? You might play out all the scenarios and come to a conclusion without ever having actually lived the journey. Experience brings wisdom but sometimes our experience gets in the way of us moving forward.  Have you ever said “I’ve tried everything – it won’t work?”  I have and I probably cut myself off from an opportunity.  I’m all for learning from the past but sometimes we give up too easily.  We decide something won’t work and if we looked objectively we’d see that we maybe we didn’t try it fully the last time or the circumstances are different or we are different.   See what opportunities might come your way if you don’t decide the outcome until you live the journey.

Not All or Nothing

Today I hope you remember that life is not all or nothing.  If you achieve a goal but then backslide – it doesn’t take away from what you achieve.  If you have a bad day, it doesn’t mean all your days will be bad.  (It doesn’t even mean that your entire day will be bad – maybe a couple hours in the afternoon will be perfect.)

If a person hurts you, it doesn’t mean they will always hurt you.  If you make a horrendous choice, it doesn’t mean all your choices will be mistakes.  If you are selfish in a moment – it doesn’t mean you are a selfish person.  If you parent in a way you regret – it doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Life is not black and white.  Although I often say I live in the grey, I don’t believe life is just grey.  I believe life is made up of a million different hues. Life is bold blues and vibrant yellows and even some paisley.  What I am sure of is that life is not black and white.  Find the colors of your life but remember life is not all or nothing. 

Power Blog

Happy Friday Each and Everyone.

Boosting the Signal

In May, Maddie Blomgren, LPC, CADMS of the Anger & Relationships Institute, LLC, is putting out a power blog about anger and relationships.  I am honored enough to have one of my blog entries posted.  It looks as if there will be a lot of great posts and I'm trying to get the word out.  Below is a note from Ms. Blomgren on how to get all the posts.  My post is number 10 so probably around May 20th. I look forward to reading all of the contributors. 

"Please be my guest...to free access to 14 posts from the world's leading authorities on anger and relationships all in one place. The entire month of May a blog will be posted every-other-day by one of the experts. It's your chance to receive the best and most current advice on relationships, the opposite sex, and ways to curb your anger!! 14 blogs, and some extras for subscribers, in 30 days.

Then it's over. May ends, the blog ends, the emails end.

If you want to get the most out of the 14 blogs, I would like to ask you to register for the series. You'll receive one email every-other-weekday for four weeks  (total of 14) notifying you that the post is up and sharing the link to it (plus those extras for subscribers). 

    

{this is the signup link)}

http://visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?llr=fuiuaydab&p=oi&m=1103538823813 

Of course you don't have to register and can follow along by checking the blog every-other-day or through the RSS feed, but I STRONGLY encourage you to register for a couple of reasons:

1. When you sign up for something and it shows up in your inbox, it reminds you of your commitment to yourself and to change.
2. There will be extra info and maybe a goody or two for those who are serious enough about this 30 day series to register. The posts on the blog will be helpful to anyone who stops by to read them. But the emails sent every-other day, will include an extra resource, a video,  or even something for you. If you choose to sign up, you can unsubscribe anytime.   

We will not share, give, sell, or rent your email address to anyone. The other guest authors will not get your email address. You can unsubscribe at any time.

{This is the sign up link again}

 http://visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?llr=fuiuaydab&p=oi&m=1103538823813

Check 30 Days 4 Better Relationships if you wish to sign up for the blog.

  

May 1 to May 31 - 14 posts

LOCATION:

             www.angermanagementthatworks.com

These experts have donated their time and articles to help you. If you want to help us spread the word, I'd consider it a personal favor if you sent this link to anyone you think may be interested. Also give a shout in your Twitter conversations. We want to reach and help as many people as possible. I understand that it may seem untoward to send someone a link about anger management. If you'd rather not, then please do "LIKE" us on Facebook. That will help get the word out as well.

 http://www.facebook.com/pages/30-Days-To-Better-Relationships/280313528714728  (This is the FB link, the button should work tho if you copy it)"




-- 
Maddie Blomgren, LPC, CADMS
Anger & Relationships Institute, LLC

Being a Therapist

Today I was thinking about my favorite thing about being a therapist.  I am constantly amazed at how much I love it.  It is an unexpected surprise because back in the day I thought I would grow old working at an agency specializing in child welfare.  That is a person that I almost don't recognize now.


I was listening to someone's story earlier and I was struck of how much of an honor it is to witness other people's struggles and stories.  It is humbling and awe inspiring (and no, I'm actually not exaggerating) to share these moments with clients.  It is so important for each of us to be heard and to find our voice and I get to help people with that.  I am humbled at how brave so many clients are with taking that step to be vulnerable and say "I want to be known" and "I am worthy."


I have so much joy and so much appreciation of all of you who allow me to go a short time with you on your journey.  Thank you.

Random Thoughts being an LCSW

I just read this short blog post on a clinical social worker’s real mission.

http://blog.acswa.org/clinical-social-work-news/clinical-social-works-real-mission/ 

After reading it I thought about the struggles social workers have and with what a person looking for a therapist gets when they choose a social worker.

When you are looking for a therapist you will see all sorts of initials after people’s name.  If you are not in the field you may have no idea what they mean.  Within the field there is a sort of hierarchy of who is “better” based on credentials.

I am an LCSW which means a Licensed Clinical Social Worker.  In Illinois, an LCSW has a Masters Degree in Social Work (MSW), at least two years post MSW experience under another LCSW and then passes a national board exam.  I love being a social worker but I know that many people have no idea what that means.

In effort to be taking seriously I think that someone who is a social worker may try to make sure people know they aren’t a caseworker.   A person might say they are a therapist rather than a social worker.  (Though for some of us using the word therapist rather than social worker is a much harder transition.)  I get where that desire to differentiate comes from.  I know I can get frustrated when helping someone with transportation at my dialysis job and someone says “that’s what social workers do, they enjoy it.”  (Yes, that has been said to me.  More than once!  I don’t actually enjoy it.)  The thing is that finding transportation is vital for a dialysis patient because they need to get to dialysis in order to keep living.  (Side note:  If you are ever looking for a volunteer activity or to help someone – consider driving a dialysis patient to and from treatment.) Even though it is vital, I think “I have so many more skills than this.”  I feel guilty thinking that though because part of social work is helping people overcome barriers.

I think it must be about finding some balance.  I enjoy the clinical aspects of therapy but my world is consistent with being a social worker.  I believe there is some need for encouraging social justice.  I believe that are concerns and problems are not just internal but are often a result of larger systems from our relationships, to our families, to our neighborhood, cities, cultures, spiritual system or anything that we are part of a larger structure.  I guess I’ll be both a social worker and a therapist and continue working on better integrating them into one identity.  Just my random thoughts.

Three Quarters of the Way

I’ve been thinking about friendships and relationships in general.  There is a fine line between letting someone walk all over you and accepting a person for who they are.  I believe I am basically a good friend.  I care about people, am loyal and can make a friend laugh.  However, there are times in the past when I’ve acted badly or hurt a friend.  There are times I’ve reached out to try to mend a friendship and it wasn’t well received.  There are other friends who hang in there all of the time (You know who you are (Karen and Kristin to name two) but other people don’t seem to want to be bothered.

Looking back on some of my friendships that I harmed, I can see that I just didn’t have the skills I needed to mend fences.  I wonder how much richer both my life and some other people’s lives could have been if they took my overtures as they were intended.  I might have learned the skills at that time of how to strengthen a relationship.

How often do you cut people out of your life?  Have you ever seen someone trying to make up with you but for whatever reason you don’t think it is enough.  Maybe you tell yourself that you’ll meet them halfway but they need to work at it.  What would happen if you met the other person three quarters of the way?  Maybe they don’t have the skills necessary to do what you need.  Maybe they really don’t know what to do.  What if you role modeled how to patch up a relationship.  It is normal for people to come and go in our lives but there is such a thing as continuity and having history with someone. 

I just think that if sometimes a person isn’t so rigid or unwilling to give a little more than they think they should, they might benefit from the richness of relationship.  If you are able to do go a bit farther for someone then maybe people will be able to do it for you.

People and relationships are not disposable.  They are often worth going that extra mile.

“If one does not wish bonds broken, one should make them elastic and

thereby strengthen them." ~ Ardant du Picq

April is..

April is…

April is autism awareness month.   To find out more click on the links below.

Autism Society

Autism Communication 

If you are looking for autism services and you are near Kane/McHenry counties, I have a colleague, Orenza Jaske LCPC, who specializes in autism.  She even runs an autism group for youth in 7^th-10^th grade.   

Orenza Jaske ASD

Random side note:  Despite having a ton of blog starts and I am still struggling to finish blog posts.  You'd think I would want to share all my brilliant ideas with the world but apparently I am dragging my feet.  I will keep working on it though.  I have high hopes for me.  :)

Renewal

Most Christians of the world celebrate Easter today.  (Happy Easter if you do celebrate!)  I look at today as a time of joy and renewal.  I think we could all use some renewal.  There are so many ways to give your life a lift.  It could be as simple as decluttering. (Could your closet use a good cleaning out?)  It could be as difficult as finally taking that risk you’ve been wishing to take.  What can you do?  You could remind someone that you love them.  You could start that yoga class.  You could go back to church.  You could call an old friend.  You could start writing that book.  You could plan that vacation. You could go for a walk or paint that dresser or cook that recipe you have saved but never find time to make. You could drastically cut back on your diet coke intake (whoops- that’s me.)   Just do SOMETHING.  Embrace this wonderful, blooming time and year and find a way to renew yourself.