RANDOM QUOTE

" Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi




Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Missing Piece

Once upon a time in a session someone said to me “I feel like I have a missing piece and when I find it I’ll feel whole.”   The book The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein jumped in my head.  I remembered the book was about the circle Pac Man thingy rolling along and finding his missing piece.  Only, it turns out I remembered it wrong.  It is so much better than I remembered.

It is about this circle which is missing a piece.  (Think a pie slice.)  It searches far and wide for a piece that will fit it perfectly.  On the way it plays with butterflies and meets lots of different pieces it checks out.  The circle has all types of adventures and then one day it finally meets the piece that fits it perfectly.  He has so much joy because he found his missing piece.  Only, it doesn’t quite work out the way he expected.  The piece fits so well he becomes a full circle and starts rolling and rolling and isn’t able to play with butterflies or meet other pieces or enjoy any of what he passes on the journey.  The circle realizes having the missing piece isn’t better for him and separates from his missing piece.  He is able to take pleasure in his journey again.

How often are we that circle?  We think of happiness and contentment as the finish line.  I did it.  I am happy.  Maybe we think of happiness as finding that one true soul mate.  You may ask yourself “if this is the love of my life why aren’t I happy?”
It is because life isn’t about the finish line.  Life is everyday struggles and joys.  Life is sharing this with those we love – not about those we love filling in a place in our soul to make us complete.  You may not feel it but you are a whole person.  There is no missing piece.   You can grow, change and live but life is about now.  Stop looking for your missing piece.  Enjoy the journey. Play with butterflies.  Love, share joy and sorrow with those you meet along the way.  You are already worthy and complete.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Article Share

Saw this article and thought I’d share.


All of us are hurt at one time or another and I always like some tips on the pain not becoming how I define myself, just a part of the whole picture of me.

I like these tips.  The only one I may disagree with is Number 4: Stop Telling Your Story.  There is a point where retelling your story over and over again is counterproductive.  It can be like a wheel that has made a rut in the road and you become stuck and can’t get out.

However, sometimes a person retells their story because no one has acknowledged it in the way the individual needs.  I was told once if someone keeps repeating the same thing to me that I’m not hearing them.  I’m not responding the way they need me to respond.  I try to keep that in mind and figure out what someone is really trying to say to me.  If you’re not feeling heard – tell people that.  Keep speaking up.


Monday, November 28, 2011

Hope - Not a 4 letter word!

I’ve been reading a couple of articles lately that state hope is paralyzing.  They basically say give up on hope and take action.  These articles seem to equate having hope as being helpless.  There seems to be this idea if you have hope than you live in Never Never land and don’t get reality.  I’ve read hope doesn’t create change, it allows people to let other people do the work for them. I’ve heard many people talk of hope with disdain.  I don’t get it.

If one does not have hope, they are hopeless.  (A synonym for hopeless is despair.) I imagine if someone is hopeless then they are stuck, unable to move.  If a person can’t picture a better tomorrow then what motivation do they have to make changes?  If a person can’t believe that their situation may improve or that they will have the strength to get through this difficulty– how can they possibly move forward. It seems more logical to me that people would get stuck in despair not hope.   

When I was young, I was given advice on parenting that basically said if you have taken everything away from the child and there is no way for the child to earn back or even see a time where they wouldn’t be under restriction – they have no reason to even try to follow rules or be agreeable.  I think this illustrates my belief about hopelessness.  If someone has no hope it would be easy to say “why bother keep going.”  (Random side note:  I also don’t believe there is such a thing as false hope but that is for another post for someday. J )

Even in situations that seem hopeless - like a loved one dying of cancer or losing your home or a relationship breakup, having hope can make a difference.  If I can believe I will be able to handle the situation, that I can grieve and be OK again or that there are many more opportunities for me then I can keep going.

I believe that part of my job is to help people stay hopeful (hence my tag line “helping you hold hope”.)   I figure I can picture the other outcomes for you until you can do it yourself.  Having hope doesn’t mean you believe that money will fall from the sky or that everything in your life will magically be amazing.  Having hope means you know there is a purpose for you.  Having hope means that today and tomorrow are worth it.  Having hope gives you reason to keep going and experience life fully.  There is no contest; I would rather a world with hope any day.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Rebel - Just a little.


Life is often the same old thing day after day.  Get up, go to work, clean house, pick the kids up, make dinner, get gas – whatever- the same routine again and again.  Maybe you aren’t ready to make huge changes.  Maybe you don’t feel like you can do something wild and crazy but you know what?  You could do something just a little.

Maybe you could not style your hair before you go out.  Wear non-matching clothes.  Have a fun size snickers and string cheese for breakfast.  (I admit to doing this but I wasn’t rebelling – just not planning ahead.)  Skip work.  Go to a movie by yourself.  Go for a walk.  Leave the kids at their aunts on a school night.  Take a drive no where.  Do something that brings you joy but is out of your routine and is a bit unexpected. 

I rebel just a little each time I write in print such as when I am filling out a form.  I print the small letter a wrong almost every time. I print a instead of a. (Since it is in my last name I get to do it a lot!)  It is a small thing but it is one way for me to say “hey – I don’t have to be just like everyone else.  I can enjoy being me.”  (I also know they teach kids not to put a hat on a capital J but I do it anyway.  Yes I do. I get to rebel twice each time I write me name.) 

If you feel like you are doing the same thing every day.  If you feel as if life is just drudgery.  Stop.  Think.  Act.  Do one little thing to rebel – no one but you even needs to know you do it.  Life really isn’t about staying in the lines.  Color outside them, be creative and live.  

Monday, August 29, 2011

goddess quiz

I admit it.  When I have time or am procrastinating, I might take a personality or fun quiz or two.  On a board I watch someone put out a goddess quiz which is apparently based on the book “Goddess in Everywoman” by Jean Bolen.  Sometimes it may feel like none of the answer fits but if you just stick with it the explanations of the goddess are interesting.


What I like about a quiz like this one is that I believe it lets us look at ourselves a little differently.  Maybe consider what are our strengths and struggles.  I’m all about self reflection.

The highest answer when I took the quiz was Persephone by quite a bit.  She is someone who had quite the struggles in mythology.  Her mother is involved, Hades is involved, the underworld, mystery and violence all present.

However, she is also known for being a reminder that after winter spring comes.  Some places describe her as offering hope and renewal at the time we are in the most despair.  She helps us bring us back to light and helps us transform to new.

As a therapist one of my greatest wishes and hopefully skill is to help you keep hope that change is possible and help you see that darkness isn’t all there is.  I wish that you could all remember that hope isn’t a horrible word and that even your darkest moments will pass.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Moments of Clarity


“When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin.  It works not because it settles the question for you but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for”  ~unknown
Yes! Yes! Yes!  Has this ever happened to you?  I (and many others also) call it a moment of clarity.  Sometimes all I get is just that one moment when the answer seems so clear.  That this is path I need to follow.  You know what I’m talking about.  It is that instant when you are so sure of a course of action and everything falls together.  Unfortunately, sometimes it only lasts a moment. 

My hope is that I can keep and hold onto that moment and not let all the other stuff get in the way.  Have you ever had a moment of clarity and then self doubt intrudes?  I might say “I know this is the best choice for me” but then I put up barriers.  I don’t have the money.  I don’t have the time.  I don’t have the ability.  What will people think?  It will take too long.  It just isn’t the right time –later I can do it.

All the doubt and barriers I erect obscure that clearness of the moment and then I question if I ever even had it.

How much have I missed by not grabbing onto the information I found in that moment?  How many better choices may I have made if I just believed in that moment?  How much have you missed by not stomping down that doubt and not just doing what you saw in that moment of clarity.

Next time it happens.  Stop.  Listen.  Believe. Go with it.  See what a difference it can make. 

Friday, July 8, 2011

I’ve read this fable in several different forms.  Sometimes it originates in South America, sometimes Africa, sometimes India.  I was struck by this story because it seems like often people’s issues have to do with holding on so tight to a comfortable situation or idea that there is so much opportunity missed.

The Monkey’s Dilemma
Long ago, in the dark jungles of South America, a clever old tribesman experimented with new methods of trapping monkeys. Because the tribe had only blowguns and tiny bows with which to hunt, monkeys were rarely taken, and monkey meat was greatly prized by the villagers. The clever hunter decided, first, to lure monkeys to a clearing where the hunter could fell them with a well placed blow dart.
From past experience, the hunter knew that monkeys were remarkably fond of peanuts, so he brought a small pile of peanuts and placed it in the center of the clearing. After many hours of waiting, a monkey finally broke from the cover of the trees, grabbed the pile of peanuts and raced off into the woods before the hunter could shoot. The hunter disappointed, returned to his village and began pondering ways to get the monkey to linger in the clearing for a moment or two; just long enough to give the hunter a chance to aim and shoot.
The next day, the hunter returned to the clearing with a knife and an awl. He found the largest tree bordering the clearing and carved a hole deep into the trunk. When he finally completed his task, the hole extended several inches into the tree trunk, then opened up into a small cavity that would hold the peanuts. The hunter's hand was too big to reach in, so he pushed a handful of peanuts into the hole with a stick and retreated behind some bushes to await his prey. Sometime later, the aroma of the peanuts was too much for a passing monkey to bear. The monkey jumped into the clearing and raced over to the tree. Without pause, he slipped his hand into the hole and seized the peanuts. The hunter steadied his shot, but then hesitated when the monkey simply stood before the tree trunk, apparently stuck. When the monkey pulled and jerked violently on his arm, it became clear to the hunter how the monkey must have become stuck. While the hole in the tree trunk was big enough for the monkey to slip his empty hand in, it wasn't wide enough for the monkey to remove a fist—full of peanuts. The monkey was unwilling to let go of his handful of peanuts, but unless he did, he would never be able to get his hand out of the hole in the tree.
The hunter watched in amazement and decided not to kill the monkey right away. Instead, his uncommon curiosity took hold and he decided to see just how stubbornly the monkey would hold on to those peanuts. So, the hunter set down his blowgun and stepped out of his brush blind and into the clearing. The monkey immediately saw the hunter and went berserk with panic. He screeched and yanked on his arm all the more furiously, but still refused to free his grip on the peanuts. The hunter took one step toward the monkey and then another. The closer the hunter stepped, the more frantic the monkey became. His screeches were almost unbearable. At last, the hunter stood just out of arm's reach of the monkey, and yet the monkey refused to release the handful of peanuts. All around the tree, the ground was torn and tossed due to the monkeys maniacal flailing. And yet, the monkey would not to let go of the peanuts. Like the winds of a spent hurricane, the monkey eventually tired and his panic subsided. As the hunter sat nearby, the monkey stared at him with a look of sullen surrender. The hunter began to wonder, ”What would it take to get this monkey to release his grip on the peanuts and free himself?” He was sure that the monkey could get loose if only he would let go of the peanuts and withdraw his hand.
The hunter decided to test the monkeys stubborn commitment to the peanuts, so he brought over another pile of peanuts and placed them just out of reach of the monkey. At first, the monkey made no attempt to grab the peanuts, as he was still terrified by the presence of the hunter. But, after a while, the monkey started straining, pulling at his arm and reaching for the new pile of peanuts. But, never did the monkey allow his grip on the peanuts in the hole to loosen. He held them ever tighter as he pulled to wrench free.
As dusk approached, the hunter knew that he must soon return to his village. After watching the pathetic monkey for hours, the hunter had become somewhat sickened by the monkey's self-destructive and foolish behavior. The will to kill the monkey had gone out of the hunter; but he could do nothing to release the monkey from his grip on the peanuts. If he approached the monkey too closely, the monkey would surely scratch and bite him in fear. And, even if he could get close enough, there was no way
to release the monkeys grip and remove his arm. Disgusted and at his wit's end, the hunter walked home in the failing light.
For a several days, the hunter dreamed of ways to free the monkey from the peanut trap. He hoped that the monkey might fall asleep and unwittingly free himself. If not, the hunter might have to try drastic measures.
Several days later, the hunter entered the clearing to find the monkey, tired and defeated, still locked on to the peanuts in the hole of the tree trunk. The monkey had become gaunt and the hunter could see him deteriorating physically. The monkey looked at the hunter with despondent resignation, but never did the monkey seem to consider the possibility of releasing the peanuts.
The monkey dangled from his worn and bleeding arm, obviously ailing from the strain of capture. The hunter wondered about the monkey's fist and the peanuts buried in the hole. After days in the tree trunk and with the humid heat of the jungle, the hunter imagined the once-—fresh peanuts
slowly growing mold and spoiling in the monkey's sweaty grip. The hunter pictured the open sores and wounds that the monkey had, no doubt, inflicted on his arm and hand as he had struggled to get free the day before.
The hunter walked to a place just beyond the monkey's reach and opened up a huge basket he had prepared that morning before departing the village. One item at a time, the hunter pulled out delicious, steaming dishes of rice, meat and fruit. He removed gourds filled with pure spring water and bowls with piping hot tea. The hunter laid them all out on the forest floor, like a delicious holiday banquet. The monkey watched the exquisite meal unfold with rapt attention. It was plain to see that the monkey was very hungry and thirsty and he wanted nothing in the world more than to dive into the feast except, he refused to release his moldy peanuts, even for an instant.
When the meal was completely set, the hunter slowly began to eat it himself. The monkey sat back on his haunches and whined a high pitched mewling of misery. But, nothing about the feast, or hunter eating it, could convince the monkey to release the peanuts. It was almost as if the monkey had forgotten why or what he was holding within the tree trunk., but he remained committed nonetheless.
Several days later the hunter once again passed by the monkey trap, hoping that somehow the monkey had freed himself. He was saddened to find the lifeless body of the monkey lying next to the trunk, its hand finally freed from the enslaving hole.
Next to his outstretched arm lay the three moldy peanuts.
- Author Unknown

In therapy I admit I use quotes, stories and even clichés a lot to explain a concept or idea.  However, when I use this story I often get a blank look like it doesn’t resonate so I figured I’d just share it here.
I think fear of the unknown, fear of not making it, fear of not being safe and a hundred other fears brings many people to a dead stop.  People might not grab opportunities or move out of a unhealthy relationship because at least it is comfortable and safe.

I like the part of this version of the story that talks about reaching for other peanuts without letting go of the first peanuts.  Sometimes it is not possible to move ahead and get where we want to be without letting go of something else.  Trying to keep what we already have can hinder us and not allow us to fully commit to our next step.  Hedging our bets can sometimes cause more problems rather than move a person forward. 

As much as I believe people need to learn to recognize and hear their inner voices, sometimes everyone in our lives are pointing us in the right direction and we're just not listening.  People we love or care about are practically putting up a neon sign saying “GO THIS WAY” and we are so afraid to let go of something we pass the signs up like the monkey ignores all of the hunter’s attempts to free himself.
What about this story resonated with you?  What are you struggling to let go of so you can move forward?

Friday, June 24, 2011

Time Heals All Wounds?


"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."  Rose Kennedy



I am struck by this quote.  When I was a child, I tripped into a glass pane that was on the floor.  I cut up my knee and I still have a scar from that incident so many years later.  There is no pain, the scar is lighter than it was but I remember the incident and I can see the scar.

I wonder if it would be helpful for people to look at emotional pain in a similar manner.  I think sometimes people are just waiting for the day something will no longer hurt or when they won’t be anxious or upset.  People distract and avoid negative feelings and often others are uncomfortable with someone else expressing difficult feelings.

Almost everyone says “Time Heals all Wounds”. I believe that is true but by healing it doesn’t mean the pain is just going to disappear if you wait it out long enough.  First, a person has to feel and acknowledge the pain.  Then a person may recover better if they realize the wound will heal but there might be a scar.  The scar may no longer hurt but occasionally there might be twinge, a moment of sadness or reminder of the event.

What feelings are you trying to wait out?  Try accepting and embracing them and understand that all of it is part of the fabric of who you are.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Also celebrated in June..

June is Rebuild Your Life month. 

It is easy to forget that as long as we are alive there is time to change and grow and be who we are meant to be.  Often the biggest barriers are barriers we make up ourselves.  Here is a link with quotes just for Rebuild Your Life Month!


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Fortune Cookies

Often cliches and sayings we've heard a million times seem trite but hold wisdom if you look past the surface.  It is not unusual for me to throw in a cliche or two in a session if the situation warrants.  In fact it kind of normalizes a lot of situations.  If there is a cliche it must have been true for tons of other people.

Randomly, I also like fortune cookies.  (Which is not the same thing at all but tend to be one line sayings that can actually be kind of hopeful and motivating.)

In fact I like the fortune much more than the cookie.  In my searching of the internet I found a site where I could look up fortunes all day long if I were to choose. (I don't choose to though.)

Looking for that one line wisdom?  Look no further than the here.

Testing the link right now I got "patience is the key to joy" and maybe it is.  Something for me to think about.

Friday, February 11, 2011

A favorite poem...

This poem below by Portia Nelson has always been one of my favorites.  It speaks to me about resilience, strength, figuring it out and even forgiving ourselves.  Life is a journey.  Working through our issues is a process.  There is hope to get to a better place.


AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.