Choice

I've decided that my choice is to do what I love.  I believe doing what I love, living my passions will bring me contentment and happiness.  Sometimes I put obstacles and barriers of my own making into place and it gets in the way of fully living my journey.  I feel like I have to earn good times and getting what I want.  It turns out that I don't.  Sometimes life is hard and sometimes I make it harder than it needs to be.  Today I am going to choose to not put up fake barriers.  Today I am going to choose happiness.  What are you going to choose today?

Really Random (totally non-relevant to anything) advice for Today

Be open to new things I say.  We have opportunity to learn each day.  Sometimes we get so set in our ways that we forget to be open.  It seems that people may worry that if they take in new information and learn that it I somehow a reflection on them not being good enough.  Instead of listening to new information we become defensive and miss out.  Learning and adjusting our thinking with our new knowledge is an amazing gift we have – don’t waste it.





I most recently learned that it is not a good idea to put shower gel in the little foot spa I have at home.  It is one of those little things that you put your feet in and it bubbles and warms your feet.  I thought  to myself “why not put a couple of drops of shower gel in there.”  This was not a good idea.  I turned my back for less than a minute and there were bubbles EVERYWHERE.  There were lots and lots and lots of bubbles.  The bubbles were pretty, which I noted and enjoyed, but an absolute mess to clean up.  (Which is a bit like some of life really.  Things can be beautiful and messy and a pain to clean up.)  It was like the only one time in your life (for me it was with my roommates in college) where you run out of dishwasher soap so you think what would it hurt to use a bit of regular dish sink soap instead.    You quickly learn that is not a good idea when over half your kitchen is saturated with bubbles.  It was kind of like that.



To sum up my totally random ramblings of today:  Bubbles are pretty and are to be enjoyed.  Also – be open to learning new things – it is one way to grow and embrace joy in your life!

More of My Thoughts on Food and Stuff

Since working in dialysis I have been fortunate enough to work with some phenomenal dietitians.  For someone who has weight issues it can be daunting to start working with a dietitian.  Initially, I would wonder “are they watching what I eat?” and wonder if they are judging me for my weight.  Turns out those are my own issues and not my coworker dietitians.

When I became friends with the nutritionists I worked with I saw that they were also just people with a specialty and passion for food and nutrition.  Sometimes they struggle with their weight and eating too.  I’ve become a person who completely encourages individuals to work with nutritionists if possible.  They can be so much a resource.  (They are not the eating police.)

“I know what to do, I just don’t do it.”  I am sure I’ve said it before.  Many of my family and even clients have said it too.  The thing is I think that is just an excuse not to move forward and live healthier.  Nutritionists can help in so many ways.  The Nutritionist, Christine, with my practice is a busy mom.  I bet she can help you plan easy and healthy meals both you and your kids can eat.  She has a passion whe can share with people. In my quest to give up (or at least greatly reduce) my intake of diet coke, Christine, was the first person to help me figure out an alternative.  (It turns out it isn’t the taste of diet coke that was keeping me drinking it.  Water, flavored or otherwise wouldn’t work as a substitution because it was the carbonation I was craving.  Who knew?)  I have been maintaining a greatly decreased intake of diet coke because she asked me the right questions.

Taking the time to join weight watchers and talk about is helpful because I am not just living in denial, I am paying attention to what I eat.  I know sometimes that I put food in my mouth without thought and I bet I’m not the only one. This is one way for me to take responsibility.  I don't know how far I'll go but this time is wasted because it is a time when I am present and in the moment with food.

Ok.  Probably more than you ever wanted to know about my thoughts on Nutrionists and food but what the heck.  Today’s parting advice:  Don’t let past perceived failures get in the way of living the way you’d like today.

Tell Everyone

I am someone who hasn’t known a day of my life where my weight wasn’t a struggle.  Although I believe in the connection between our mind and body I haven’t made a concerted effort to live a healthier lifestyle recently.  Now I am taking that step.  I’m trying to mesh my values and my actions.  (This pretty much always leads to a more content soul.)

First I cut my intake of caffeine (particularly diet coke) by 95%.   I’ve seemed to work this into my daily life so I have started the next step – losing weight and healthier eating. 

I want to lose weight but my overall goal is to physically feel better and live well.  I joined Weight Watchers online in an effort to really focus on my eating.

My instinct is to keep it a secret.   If I don’t tell people I’m trying to lose weight then it won’t matter if I can’t do it.  Wait.  I realize this means I’ve already decided to fail.  Not good.  I would benefit from following my own advice.  1) Don’t decide the outcome before I’ve lived the journey.  2)  It is not a pass/fail situation.  Every change I make, every time I take a moment to be aware of my food, every healthier choice I make is progress.  It isn’t about the finish line but about changing the way I live and enjoying the journey.

This I will remind myself.

This time I’m telling everyone what I’m trying to do.  (Day 2 of working on healthier choices.) This is a subject I have a lot to say on so I’m sure you’ll be hearing about this again.  Live the journey before you decide you are going to fail.

Sparkling

Happy Beginning of the Week.


How about you make tomorrow (or Today) a sparkling day.  Stop saving all your special outfits and your anticipated activities for a special day.  How often do we save something so we have something to look forward to.  Why?  Live today.  I have this blue shirt I love to wear.  It has sequence on it and I don't think a day has gone by that I've worn it and someone hasn't said "you look sparkly."  Well, why not.  I was going to get my hair done - why not celebrate.  I wonder how great today could be if you just decided to sparkle and celebrate.  

Doctor Who Quote 2

Hello,

I'm ready to share my next favorite Doctor Who quote (and no they are not in any particular order.)

For the previous Doctor Who Blog Post follow the link below.

04/03/2012 - Doctor Who Quote 1 (and explanation)

“Letting it get to you. That’s being alive; it’s being here right now. And that’s the best thing there is.”-11th Doctor, /The Doctor’s Wife/

Many of people’s struggles with the problems in their life have to do with avoiding emotions.  I’ve said it before allow you to feel those uncomfortable feelings – they aren’t going to go away by ignoring them.  Not only will feeling those emotions help you, feeling them will also enable you to be comfortable around other people who are struggling with their own rough feelings.    You can sit with them and witness instead of distracting them in an effort to lighten the mood. (Yes, I know I am guilty of this. I’m working on it.)

I think this quote is not just about struggles but staying in the moment and living fully.  When you feel passionate about something, shout it out to the world.  When you are happy – share it.  When something gets to you – speak out.  Feel.  Be alive.  Don’t worry about looking stupid or doing it wrong – just live.

And just for fun the BBC trailer from the episode "The Doctor's Wife."

Not All or Nothing

Today I hope you remember that life is not all or nothing.  If you achieve a goal but then backslide – it doesn’t take away from what you achieve.  If you have a bad day, it doesn’t mean all your days will be bad.  (It doesn’t even mean that your entire day will be bad – maybe a couple hours in the afternoon will be perfect.)

If a person hurts you, it doesn’t mean they will always hurt you.  If you make a horrendous choice, it doesn’t mean all your choices will be mistakes.  If you are selfish in a moment – it doesn’t mean you are a selfish person.  If you parent in a way you regret – it doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Life is not black and white.  Although I often say I live in the grey, I don’t believe life is just grey.  I believe life is made up of a million different hues. Life is bold blues and vibrant yellows and even some paisley.  What I am sure of is that life is not black and white.  Find the colors of your life but remember life is not all or nothing. 

Missing Piece

Once upon a time in a session someone said to me “I feel like I have a missing piece and when I find it I’ll feel whole.”   The book The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein jumped in my head.  I remembered the book was about the circle Pac Man thingy rolling along and finding his missing piece.  Only, it turns out I remembered it wrong.  It is so much better than I remembered.

It is about this circle which is missing a piece.  (Think a pie slice.)  It searches far and wide for a piece that will fit it perfectly.  On the way it plays with butterflies and meets lots of different pieces it checks out.  The circle has all types of adventures and then one day it finally meets the piece that fits it perfectly.  He has so much joy because he found his missing piece.  Only, it doesn’t quite work out the way he expected.  The piece fits so well he becomes a full circle and starts rolling and rolling and isn’t able to play with butterflies or meet other pieces or enjoy any of what he passes on the journey.  The circle realizes having the missing piece isn’t better for him and separates from his missing piece.  He is able to take pleasure in his journey again.

How often are we that circle?  We think of happiness and contentment as the finish line.  I did it.  I am happy.  Maybe we think of happiness as finding that one true soul mate.  You may ask yourself “if this is the love of my life why aren’t I happy?”

It is because life isn’t about the finish line.  Life is everyday struggles and joys.  Life is sharing this with those we love – not about those we love filling in a place in our soul to make us complete.  You may not feel it but you are a whole person.  There is no missing piece.   You can grow, change and live but life is about now.  Stop looking for your missing piece.  Enjoy the journey. Play with butterflies.  Love, share joy and sorrow with those you meet along the way.  You are already worthy and complete.

Totally random post…

Robert Frost’s Poem:  Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171621

I have always absolutely loved the last stanza of this poem.  I have actually thought that if I would ever get a quote tattooed on me (which I’m guessing I never will) it would be the lines “…But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.”

Sometimes there are just sayings or lines in songs that touch something in us – even if no one else gets it.  The things that resonate us tells a lot about a person.  I’m not always sure what.

Grab on to those things that resonate with you.  They are who you are.

See.  Totally random.

Article Share

A way to look at the tips for eating well during the holiday (and really any) season.  The tips listed that
the author questions - how many times have we heard the exact same ones.  I know I've heard them a million times.

http://partnershipinwellness.com/blog/?p=605

The author gives some helpful insight into health eating!

Random Tips on Coping With A Chronic Illness

I've been working on creating a tip sheet for working with chronic illness and this is what I have thus far and thought I would share.  (They are only random because it turns out I like to use the word random a lot!)

Tips for Living With A Chronic Illness

1 – It is Ok to grieve.  Grieving means you acknowledge the changes and will be able to embrace moving forward.  Know that grief will come and go and will generally lesson over time.

2 – Accept your illness.  It is what it is and accepting doesn’t mean you are happy with your illness but that you can understand that life sucks sometimes and that you have the strength to go on and even be happy.

3 – Stay productive.  You are tired and in pain and you just want to feel better.  Keeping a job or going out with the grandkids or spending time gardening may seem like impossible tasks.  Keeping active will improve your mood and even your health exponentially.  Try to do what you can.

4 – Take responsibility for your health.  Not only do you know yourself best, only you can follow the doctor’s recommendations.  Sometimes with an illness it is easy to feel like everyone has control over your life.  You may constantly be given directions such as “go take this test” or “don’t eat that” or “its not a big deal, it will only take a few hours.”   Take back the control.  This is your life.  It is not up to anyone else but you.

5 – Connect with your spirituality.   You are more than your illness.  Try connecting with whatever you believe in and try finding solace and comfort.  This can be an opportunity for self-reflection and looking at the bigger picture as it pertains to you.

6 – Accept help from others.  It is easy to say “I’m ok, I can do it.”  Most of the time when people offer to help they really want to help.  Give them an opportunity.  It is not a weakness to let someone help you out.

7 – Let yourself have bad days.  Everyone, if they are healthy or sick, have rough days.  Forgive yourself for having bad days.  Remember bad days or times will pass.  A bad moment doesn’t mean all day will be horrible and a bad day doesn’t mean there won’t be good days and moments coming up.

8 – Find joy where you can.  It may seem cliché but if you look you can find moments of joy all over the place.  The colors of the trees, clean sheets, the smell of cookies, hearing your favorite song, a hello from a friend, a funny cartoon, your dog being happy to see you, your child saying something hilarious – to just name a few.  Maybe it is just time to yourself or a short time without pain.   Work at recognizing and honoring moments of joy when they occur.

goddess quiz

I admit it.  When I have time or am procrastinating, I might take a personality or fun quiz or two.  On a board I watch someone put out a goddess quiz which is apparently based on the book “Goddess in Everywoman” by Jean Bolen.  Sometimes it may feel like none of the answer fits but if you just stick with it the explanations of the goddess are interesting.

Which goddess fits you? 

What I like about a quiz like this one is that I believe it lets us look at ourselves a little differently.  Maybe consider what are our strengths and struggles.  I’m all about self reflection.

The highest answer when I took the quiz was Persephone by quite a bit.  She is someone who had quite the struggles in mythology.  Her mother is involved, Hades is involved, the underworld, mystery and violence all present.

However, she is also known for being a reminder that after winter spring comes.  Some places describe her as offering hope and renewal at the time we are in the most despair.  She helps us bring us back to light and helps us transform to new.

As a therapist one of my greatest wishes and hopefully skill is to help you keep hope that change is possible and help you see that darkness isn’t all there is.  I wish that you could all remember that hope isn’t a horrible word and that even your darkest moments will pass.

Quarter Life Crisis? Mid Life Crisis?

I see a lot of articles and blogs about “quarter life crisis.”  This would be similar to what people call a midlife crisis but happens when you are in your mid twenties.  It  is a time when you ask yourself all the searching questions.  Why is my life so routine?  Is there more than this?  What is coming next?  Am I wasting my life?  What can I do to seize the moment?.  You then get on with your living your life.  This article here describes the 5 stages of a quarter life crisis.

5 stages of a quarter life crisis

Here is the thing though.  I’m reading this article and I’m thinking “isn’t that just what life is?”  There are times we mark time, there are periods of growth and renewal, there are times of commitment and joy.  Do we have to qualify it as an event?  I am hopeful that we are always searching for more or our better selves not just at the ages of 25 and 40.  My wish for people is that we are always living and looking for more.  I hope that people take time to sit quietly, build connections, take chances and find joy.  Why categorize and wait till a certain age to have a “crisis”?  There is no magical time when we shouldn't be growing and the answers are all suddenly clear.  There are always questions and one of the joys of the journey is searching out the answers.   Try to always look inward and outward to live the life you were meant to live.

Religion,Politics,Culture - Get talking about it!

One ‘rule’ of much of polite society is that you shouldn’t discuss religion and politics with people.  (Unless, of course, you are already positive they have the same views as you do and you can just sit around agreeing with each other.) 

You probably hear people say “it isn’t like anyone is going to change their mind.”  Unfortunately, just for that reason alone it is often good advice to just not go ‘there’.  Often people are so ingrained in their ideas they don’t listen and they aren’t open to even considering views that contradict their beliefs.  An individual so wants to make a case for their idea that they don’t listen to the other person’s views and there is no reason for the discourse.

I think there is something sad about this.  Back in the day before your strong opinions were formed - didn’t you enjoy talking about all the possibilities out there?  Wasn’t there a kind of fun in figuring out your values?  Often we start out with values that are the same as our parents (or the direct opposite.) Then we get the joy of the journey to figure out where we really stand.   Many times when we are young we are open to looking at new and different ways of thinking. 

People seem to lose the willingness along the way. I think we miss out if we don’t talk about subjects like religion, spirituality, government, laws, families, and culture just to name a few.  I absolutely love when I really listen to someone and am able to think “I never thought of it that way before.”  Our lives and the societies we live in change constantly.  Doesn’t it seem as if with all the new information out there that we should be taking it in and seeing if our current values still hold true. 

I consider it a failure that so many avoid diving in and having discussions – real discussions about what we believe in.  Not in an effort to change someone’s mind but to share viewpoints and respect the differences. 

Even discussions about topics that you feel strongly about could benefit from being open for discussion.  Sometimes we shy away from hearing other sides because it may feel uncomfortable and it might challenge our beliefs.  A lot of people balk at challenges to their beliefs.  Reevaluating ourselves can be scary.

If your viewpoints are solid – really listening to someone else’s beliefs will not crumble your beliefs, they may help clarify why you believe what you believe.  Or you may gain additional insight or adjust your opinion as you learn.  One of the amazements of life is that we can grow, change, and learn.

Life is complicated and contradictory – doesn’t it make sense that our values and beliefs would be too. Next time a ‘forbidden’ topic comes up try seeing if there is a way to have a genuine discussion and allow you to be open and engaged.  You might be surprised.

Choosing Love Or Kindness

Somewhere on the places I peruse on the internet there was a discussion about what happens after death and people’s personal beliefs about the afterlife.

One person wrote that they believed that after we are died we review our lives and we see all the times we could have chosen to be loving and we weren’t.

I really like this view – not because I look forward to having all the times I didn’t choose love laid out before me but because really, what an amazing way to live.

I like the idea of using that criterion as a compass to make decisions and live my life.  I could precede my decisions and actions by asking if I am being loving, compassionate or kind.    Both to others and myself. 

I would wager that if the answer to that question  is yes than my decision or action is the correct one.  I don’t think you can go very wrong being loving, compassionate or kind – no matter what the outcome is or how others react to your kindness.  I think many people, including myself, often miss opportunities to be loving or kind.  I’m going to try to keep this in mind as I move forward in my own life.