A wise woman said to me...

Today I was speaking to a woman in her nineties.  She is originally from another country and her speech is difficult for me to understand but she never stops trying to connect with me.  She has had many tribulations in her life.  She told me about her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Pride evident in her voice.  The woman spoke of wishes and hopes she has for her family.  She said all her dreams for herself and her family came true.  She said if you just believe and work at it all your dreams can come true.  She said to always keep and don’t give up your dreams.

I think that is very worthwhile advice and I’m glad I had the opportunity to connect with her.

Random quote

So I saw this quote on someone's Facebook and I thought "Yes!"  I think that many times people - both men and women- are just really hard on themselves.  We can love other people despite and because of their flaws but we refuse to love ourselves with the same abandon.  It is OK we have imperfections.  This is what makes us uniquely us.   I am someone who may be described as always having a smile, energetic and bright but I am also often moody, talk way too much and speak way too fast.  You know what?  That is all OK.  I like who I am.  This doesn't mean I can't grow and change but it means I get to love even the part of myself that is less likeable.  Try accepting and showing yourself at least the compassion you would show a stranger.  Your flaws (real or perceived) are part of the amazing mosaic of you!  Love yourself - with abandon.


*The quote on the picture is...*

“Let someone love you just as you are.  As flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you might feel, as unaccomplished as you might think you are; let someone love you just as you are.  And let that someone be you. “  Sandra Kring (www.sandrakring.com)

Random Tips on Coping With A Chronic Illness

I've been working on creating a tip sheet for working with chronic illness and this is what I have thus far and thought I would share.  (They are only random because it turns out I like to use the word random a lot!)

Tips for Living With A Chronic Illness

1 – It is Ok to grieve.  Grieving means you acknowledge the changes and will be able to embrace moving forward.  Know that grief will come and go and will generally lesson over time.

2 – Accept your illness.  It is what it is and accepting doesn’t mean you are happy with your illness but that you can understand that life sucks sometimes and that you have the strength to go on and even be happy.

3 – Stay productive.  You are tired and in pain and you just want to feel better.  Keeping a job or going out with the grandkids or spending time gardening may seem like impossible tasks.  Keeping active will improve your mood and even your health exponentially.  Try to do what you can.

4 – Take responsibility for your health.  Not only do you know yourself best, only you can follow the doctor’s recommendations.  Sometimes with an illness it is easy to feel like everyone has control over your life.  You may constantly be given directions such as “go take this test” or “don’t eat that” or “its not a big deal, it will only take a few hours.”   Take back the control.  This is your life.  It is not up to anyone else but you.

5 – Connect with your spirituality.   You are more than your illness.  Try connecting with whatever you believe in and try finding solace and comfort.  This can be an opportunity for self-reflection and looking at the bigger picture as it pertains to you.

6 – Accept help from others.  It is easy to say “I’m ok, I can do it.”  Most of the time when people offer to help they really want to help.  Give them an opportunity.  It is not a weakness to let someone help you out.

7 – Let yourself have bad days.  Everyone, if they are healthy or sick, have rough days.  Forgive yourself for having bad days.  Remember bad days or times will pass.  A bad moment doesn’t mean all day will be horrible and a bad day doesn’t mean there won’t be good days and moments coming up.

8 – Find joy where you can.  It may seem cliché but if you look you can find moments of joy all over the place.  The colors of the trees, clean sheets, the smell of cookies, hearing your favorite song, a hello from a friend, a funny cartoon, your dog being happy to see you, your child saying something hilarious – to just name a few.  Maybe it is just time to yourself or a short time without pain.   Work at recognizing and honoring moments of joy when they occur.

End Of Life Care

Wondering around on the internet I came across this opinion article on CNN regarding end of life care.
End Of Life    Although it lost me a bit with the war talk it seems to make a point about choices at the end of life.

I am a dialysis social worker in addition to my private practice and one thing that often is frustrating is seeing how little time and effort is put into sharing with individuals their prognosis, realistic goals and the possibility of hospice or other appropriate care.   Like most of us I want my family and friends to live a long life and have them around to share the journey as long as possible.  I want to stay on journey as long as I am able and wouldn't want someone to decide for me what should happen if there was a serious medical issue. However,  not talking about death and avoiding taking measures to have a good end of life does not stop the inevitable.  In dialysis (and really for most medical treatments) I believe one good question to ask is if the treatment is prolonging your life or merely prolonging your death.

One saying that I think can be comforting and that I just googled and found is attributed to Patrick Overton is

“When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will learn how to fly.”

(And apologies to Patrick Overton because there seem to be a ton of variations on this saying!)