Choice

I've decided that my choice is to do what I love.  I believe doing what I love, living my passions will bring me contentment and happiness.  Sometimes I put obstacles and barriers of my own making into place and it gets in the way of fully living my journey.  I feel like I have to earn good times and getting what I want.  It turns out that I don't.  Sometimes life is hard and sometimes I make it harder than it needs to be.  Today I am going to choose to not put up fake barriers.  Today I am going to choose happiness.  What are you going to choose today?

Doctor Who Quote 2

Hello,

I'm ready to share my next favorite Doctor Who quote (and no they are not in any particular order.)

For the previous Doctor Who Blog Post follow the link below.

04/03/2012 - Doctor Who Quote 1 (and explanation)

“Letting it get to you. That’s being alive; it’s being here right now. And that’s the best thing there is.”-11th Doctor, /The Doctor’s Wife/

Many of people’s struggles with the problems in their life have to do with avoiding emotions.  I’ve said it before allow you to feel those uncomfortable feelings – they aren’t going to go away by ignoring them.  Not only will feeling those emotions help you, feeling them will also enable you to be comfortable around other people who are struggling with their own rough feelings.    You can sit with them and witness instead of distracting them in an effort to lighten the mood. (Yes, I know I am guilty of this. I’m working on it.)

I think this quote is not just about struggles but staying in the moment and living fully.  When you feel passionate about something, shout it out to the world.  When you are happy – share it.  When something gets to you – speak out.  Feel.  Be alive.  Don’t worry about looking stupid or doing it wrong – just live.

And just for fun the BBC trailer from the episode "The Doctor's Wife."

Totally Random Friday Fun

Random Activity for today…

Need to procrastinate?  Want to stimulate your mind? 

I learned some new words today and used them in sentences below.

I can say without any hesitation I do not suffer from Porphyrophobia.  It is one of my favorite colors.

I have a favorite story on the internet that used the word Ubiquitous.  Now I know what it means.

I wish I was a Deipnosophist but a lot of times I just seem like I’m rambling.



Fridays and Words are almost always
good reasons to smile.



Now you have something to do and most likely you can learn something.  Go to dictionary.com or other internet place and look up the words you don’t know. 

You’re welcome.



30 Posts in 30 Days (or maybe delusions of grandeur - we'll see)

I spend a lot of time starting blog posts.  I have so many great ideas for posts and I write 2 or 3 lines and then I put my masterpiece beginning aside and save it for later.  You know ~later~ when I will take the time to write it up properly.  You guessed it.  Later rarely comes.  Instead, my blog start gets to be saved forever and never sees the light of day.

I keep thinking that I have to do something to get writing and then it happened.  I was playing (read playing as avoiding things I probably should have been doing) on Pinterest and I saw a pin for a blog challenge of 30 blog posts in 30 days.  Just the thing to motivate me.  I decided to buy into the challenge and I am going to try to get 30 posts done this month.  (I can do anything for thirty days – right?)  I have faith in me.  (However, I don’t promise interesting and fascinating posts so you might have to read and decide that for yourself.)

So, Happy Spring and Happy April Fool’s Day.  (A holiday I don’t know why individuals continue to celebrate because I don’t think it is amusing to trick or attempt to make other people look or feel stupid.  Generally I would say that is not desired behavior.  I’m just saying.)

I am ready for this challenge.  I will talk to you again tomorrow. 

(Not to jinx it but I think I can get at least to day two.)

Don't Make Me Have Fun!

This happens to me sometimes.  I am supposed to go out with a friend and I think “I am so tired.  I want to see her but I’d really like to stay home and rest.”  Maybe it is a family party and instead of looking forward to seeing and enjoying everyone, I’m just adding it as one more TASK on my “to do” list.  Maybe I mean to get a massage or my nails done for some self-care but I just don’t think I have the time. 

Hasn’t this happened to you?  Something that ‘should’ be a fun activity seems to turn into this great big commitment and trial.  Excuses from “I have too much to do” to “I need to get stuff done around the house” to “I just need down time on my own” to whatever.  Then either you force yourself to go – with anticipatory dread- and maybe even really enjoy yourself or you make an excuse and don’t go and miss out on the opportunity to enjoy yourself and connect.  Then, even if you planned on some quiet, down time, it doesn’t happen.  You find things to do around the house or feel guilty about not doing anything.  (How many times have you said “I got nothing done!”)

Doesn’t this seem a bit crazy?  Yes, I meant to say crazy.    Somewhere our priorities get a little off skew.  Yes, we need income.  Yes, we need to follow through with commitments and responsibilities.  What about enjoying life?  What about actually looking forward to going out and being with friends and family?

Ideally, we would try to find joy in all that we do but if we are going to dread something – why is it the fun things?

Next time you have something ‘fun’ planned try changing your thinking.  Think about how you enjoy being at family events or going to the art fair or going to a game.  If you start dreading the “fun” activity, question to see if you are setting up the barriers to enjoy yourself.  We benefit from embracing fun.  You have my permission to look forward to fun.  Now, give yourself that permission.

Mindfulness, Mortification and Memories

I was recently able to go on a trip to Orlando, Florida for my cousin’s wedding celebration.  It was a good time to connect and enjoy those that are important in my life.
(And who knew Mickey and Minnie would come to the reception.)  These are my random thoughts on mindfulness, mortification and memories.

Mindfulness

Wedding preparations started months earlier.  Talk of plane tickets and places to stay and what to where have been forefront for quite awhile.  Finally the time for the trip arrived.  I heard from several people the statement “It will be over before you know it.”  There was a lot of anticipation and a lot of activities once in Florida.  The
worry with this situation is that there is so much to do in such a
short amount of time it is possible to forget about actually enjoying
the moments.  I wanted to avoid it being “over before I know it” and forgetting to enjoy my trip.  Trying to practice what I preached I made sure I took
moments to just be.  I looked off the 18th floor balcony overlooking
Epcot Center and Downtown Disney, feeling the wind, hearing the
background noises and enjoying the view.  When I was getting bored in
a ride, I would try to stop and focus on the ride, who I was with, and
what was being said – not thinking about the rest of the trip.  At the
wedding and reception I tried to focus on enjoying myself in each
moment whether it was the beauty of the vows, or the rhythm of dancing
or photos being taken or who I was talking to and not when I’d get sleep, or when I needed to get to the airport or how much money I spent.   Taking time and effort to be
mindful helped the vacation be much more meaningful and relaxing than
it may have been if I was task or worry oriented.

Mortification
I also had a mortifying experience during my trip.  Yes, I am sharing
it with everyone out there.  I was on Mission Space (or something) at
Epcot Center and did not follow the instructions.  Yep, I  closed my eyes and felt very disoriented.  (Reminder to self:  Sometimes rules are there for a reason.)  I became nauseous and yes I actually got sick on the ride.  For a
grown woman this is beyond mortifying.  You know what though?  I lived
through it.  Sometimes it is necessary to be reminded that each of us
has the ability to live through awkward, embarrassing or anxiety filled moments.

My 10 year old cousin offered the statement “Don’t worry Julie.
Sometimes things happen in life.  It is OK.”  Nice wisdom and compassion from him. (Of course the second his oldest brother got in the van he said “Hey,
Julie threw up on the ride!)

Sometimes when something happens that mortifies you remember how you
handle it says a lot.  You can live through it.  You will be OK.  You will not be forever marked.  You can be a role model for others.  You teach your kids that bad things happen but you can make it through.  Embarrassment is not the end of the world.  A mortifying moment is not a catastrophe.

Memories
Memories are part of our identity.  They help us with meaning.  They can
be a source of joy and contentment.  All the situations from this trip will be
cherished memories that will remind me of who I am and can be shared
with those I am close to.  I am sure sometime in my future someone in
my family will jokingly ask if I’ll be able to handle going on a
Merry-go-Round or something.  I’ll remember the weather and laughing
or worrying with friends.  The memories help me be who I am.  What
jokes does your family share year after year.  Which memories are the
most precious to you?

I am grateful for being able to practice mindfulness, live through the mortification and cherish my memories from the trip.

Random quote

So I saw this quote on someone's Facebook and I thought "Yes!"  I think that many times people - both men and women- are just really hard on themselves.  We can love other people despite and because of their flaws but we refuse to love ourselves with the same abandon.  It is OK we have imperfections.  This is what makes us uniquely us.   I am someone who may be described as always having a smile, energetic and bright but I am also often moody, talk way too much and speak way too fast.  You know what?  That is all OK.  I like who I am.  This doesn't mean I can't grow and change but it means I get to love even the part of myself that is less likeable.  Try accepting and showing yourself at least the compassion you would show a stranger.  Your flaws (real or perceived) are part of the amazing mosaic of you!  Love yourself - with abandon.


*The quote on the picture is...*

“Let someone love you just as you are.  As flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you might feel, as unaccomplished as you might think you are; let someone love you just as you are.  And let that someone be you. “  Sandra Kring (www.sandrakring.com)

Rebel - Just a little.

Life is often the same old thing day after day.  Get up, go to work, clean house, pick the kids up, make dinner, get gas – whatever- the same routine again and again.  Maybe you aren’t ready to make huge changes.  Maybe you don’t feel like you can do something wild and crazy but you know what?  You could do something just a little.

Maybe you could not style your hair before you go out.  Wear non-matching clothes.  Have a fun size snickers and string cheese for breakfast.  (I admit to doing this but I wasn’t rebelling – just not planning ahead.)  Skip work.  Go to a movie by yourself.  Go for a walk.  Leave the kids at their aunts on a school night.  Take a drive no where.  Do something that brings you joy but is out of your routine and is a bit unexpected. 

I rebel just a little each time I write in print such as when I am filling out a form.  I print the small letter a wrong almost every time. I print a instead of a. (Since it is in my last name I get to do it a lot!)  It is a small thing but it is one way for me to say “hey – I don’t have to be just like everyone else.  I can enjoy being me.”  (I also know they teach kids not to put a hat on a capital J but I do it anyway.  Yes I do. I get to rebel twice each time I write me name.) 

If you feel like you are doing the same thing every day.  If you feel as if life is just drudgery.  Stop.  Think.  Act.  Do one little thing to rebel – no one but you even needs to know you do it.  Life really isn’t about staying in the lines.  Color outside them, be creative and live.  

Moving and Joy

I've been a little slow in posting because I have been in the process of moving to another home.  All of us who have moved know what a colossal undertaking it is.  I hate it.  I HATE it with big letters.

However, I was thinking about someone who said to me that there is no point in not being joyful when doing things you don't want to do.  She used work as her example and said if you have to do it why not find joy.

So, I'm trying it.  I'm trying to find joy in that I moving forward to a new place.  Joy in all the memories I come across.  Joy in organization and planning out what is needed.  Joy in new beginnings.  Joy in the physical work.  Joy in all the things I get to donate to Goodwill.  Joy in that I am really busy and knowing I wouldn't like the opposite.  Joy in living in the now and looking forward to the future.

What do you know?  Apparently I do influence myself.  By just changing my thoughts my whole outlook changes.     Here's me practicing what I preach and focusing on joy even when I don't love a task.

Give me a week or so and you'll be inundated with my posts again!!!!  (Ok - that sort of sounds like a threat.)    Happy Joy Everyone!

goddess quiz

I admit it.  When I have time or am procrastinating, I might take a personality or fun quiz or two.  On a board I watch someone put out a goddess quiz which is apparently based on the book “Goddess in Everywoman” by Jean Bolen.  Sometimes it may feel like none of the answer fits but if you just stick with it the explanations of the goddess are interesting.

Which goddess fits you? 

What I like about a quiz like this one is that I believe it lets us look at ourselves a little differently.  Maybe consider what are our strengths and struggles.  I’m all about self reflection.

The highest answer when I took the quiz was Persephone by quite a bit.  She is someone who had quite the struggles in mythology.  Her mother is involved, Hades is involved, the underworld, mystery and violence all present.

However, she is also known for being a reminder that after winter spring comes.  Some places describe her as offering hope and renewal at the time we are in the most despair.  She helps us bring us back to light and helps us transform to new.

As a therapist one of my greatest wishes and hopefully skill is to help you keep hope that change is possible and help you see that darkness isn’t all there is.  I wish that you could all remember that hope isn’t a horrible word and that even your darkest moments will pass.

July is also...

Nectarine and Garlic Month

            The CDC encourages eating fruits and vegetables and actually spotlights a couple each month.  Who knew?  (I know I ask that a lot but really the things I learn every day.  It is amazing how much I don’t know!  J) July is Nectarine and Garlic month.  (I am assuming not together)  I am sure some fantastic chef could make a dish using Nectarine and Garlic but not me.

http://www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov/month/index.html

Meet Your Mate Week!

June 19-25^th is  Meet your Mate Week so I say “have at it!”.  Go out, meet people, and have fun if you are looking for a mate.

Of course if you really click with someone and have a whirlwind romance you can celebrate June 27^th which is Decide to be Married Day with your very own engagement announcement (but I really wouldn’t recommend it!)

June is also...

June is Adopt a Shelter Cat Month.  Don’t know why I am sharing but I just am.

http://www.aspca.org/adoption/adopt-a-shelter-cat-month/

Building Rapport (but really prompted by the game LIFE)

If I were to see your kid in therapy, I’d play some games with him or her.  I know the questions that come up from parents.  Why are we paying for him to play games?  How is this helping her?  How is this making our lives easier? 

Playing games with kids, helps build rapport with the child.  Really – do we expect a child to go and share their secrets with a total stranger with whom they have no experience of having had a positive interaction.  I also use games to see how the child is developmentally, how they cope with challenges and losses and interacting with others but mostly to build rapport and start a basis for a therapeutic relationship and later to strengthen that relationship.

It seems so simple – playing with the child to strengthen a bond – but how often are you doing that at home?  The day to day activities of homework and driving to baseball or music lessons and juggling jobs and a million other commitments take its toll.  Sitting down to play a game with your child is probably the last thing you feel up to doing.

Try to plan some time to play a board game with your kids.  Your child – even the ones who vehemently deny it – does want your attention.  Although I think playing board games encourages better interaction and generates more teachable moments even a video game together can encourage rapport.  I tell you – back in the day my brother and I would never have had any bonding moments if it weren’t for playing video games together.

Although I genuinely am glad to promote playing and interacting with your kids to improve your relationship with them, I did have an ulterior motive for this post.

 I have a question about the board game LIFE.

I was playing LIFE the other day and I wondered why, in this time of amazing technological advances that the playing pieces for this game haven’t changed.  The game itself has changed with money amounts updated, careers in IT, and buying SUV’s as options.  But those little cars with the blue and pink pegs seem exactly the same as when I was little.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  You need really good fine motor skills to put them in place and they never stay in and you have loose peg people everywhere.  It just seems like someone, sometime could have invented a cool, new upgrade.  It must just be one of LIFE’s little mysteries.

May is National Photo Month

May is National Photo Month. 

I like photos.  I think it is a throwback to my mom who had (and now I have)  about 50 or more photo albums.  With social media and the digital age it is probably less likely that people have photo albums but it is generally easier to share pictures.  Photos are a snapshot in time which hold our memories.  I don’t think I encourage it enough but I love when clients bring photos – whether a hard copy or on their phone or whatever- to a session to share.  It allows me to get a bit better picture of the client. 

 Below is a link to one of the worksheets I occasionally use to encourage the sharing of photos.

Family Snapshot Worksheet

Hope

Playing on the internet I found an article that supports my style of therapy.  I use humor a lot in sessions and my tag line is ~Helping You Hold Hope~

Humor Helps Hope

It is OK laugh and find humor in even situations that are horrific.  It doesn't mean you don't care enough or you aren't taking a situation seriously enough.  It means you are human.  It means that life is complicated and there is often bits of humor and hope, even in immense pain.  Tell a joke, share a funny memory, speak your mind.  It is ok to laugh.

Informed Woman Month

April is Informed Woman Month.  I have no idea what it is all about but I am completely for woman being informed.  (When looking up information I saw several links about it also being National Car Month with a lot of encouragement for woman to learn some basics about maintaining their car.) 

Information and knowledge give us the ability to make good decisions, to develop insight and live a fuller life.  One of my favorite quotes which I’m sure I’ve mentioned on this blog before is “in the times of change, the learners will inherit the earth while the learned are prepared for a world that no longer exists.” (Eric Hoffler).

So get on out there and learn something.

Frog Month

April is Frog Month.  I know it has no mental health meaning but I am happy for frogs to get recognition.  In fact we all like recognition and validation.   Take a moment today to “recognize” or appreciate someone in your life.  Let them know you do notice.

Random Blog on Frog Month

Get Grandma a Facebook Page

It may be time to get grandma a facebook page.

Facebook for Elderly

Fortune Cookies

Often cliches and sayings we've heard a million times seem trite but hold wisdom if you look past the surface.  It is not unusual for me to throw in a cliche or two in a session if the situation warrants.  In fact it kind of normalizes a lot of situations.  If there is a cliche it must have been true for tons of other people.

Randomly, I also like fortune cookies.  (Which is not the same thing at all but tend to be one line sayings that can actually be kind of hopeful and motivating.)

In fact I like the fortune much more than the cookie.  In my searching of the internet I found a site where I could look up fortunes all day long if I were to choose. (I don't choose to though.)

Looking for that one line wisdom?  Look no further than the here.

Testing the link right now I got "patience is the key to joy" and maybe it is.  Something for me to think about.