Choosing Love Or Kindness

Somewhere on the places I peruse on the internet there was a discussion about what happens after death and people’s personal beliefs about the afterlife.

One person wrote that they believed that after we are died we review our lives and we see all the times we could have chosen to be loving and we weren’t.

I really like this view – not because I look forward to having all the times I didn’t choose love laid out before me but because really, what an amazing way to live.

I like the idea of using that criterion as a compass to make decisions and live my life.  I could precede my decisions and actions by asking if I am being loving, compassionate or kind.    Both to others and myself. 

I would wager that if the answer to that question  is yes than my decision or action is the correct one.  I don’t think you can go very wrong being loving, compassionate or kind – no matter what the outcome is or how others react to your kindness.  I think many people, including myself, often miss opportunities to be loving or kind.  I’m going to try to keep this in mind as I move forward in my own life.

Doing What is Right?

Someone once told me that “a person doesn’t get extra credit by doing what is right.”  In theory I agree with this statement.  I believe in a basic expectation of kindness and compassion and trying to do the ‘right’ thing whatever that is.  I think treating individuals with a dignity just because they are human is imperative and that it should be a given not a bargain I make or with expectation of acknowledgement outside of hoping that others are doing the same.

On the other hand I struggle with this statement.  It isn’t that I think we should be rewarded for doing the correct thing but there are always so many variables.  For one, we don’t all start off on an even playing field.  Some people just have it easier than others.  I don’t say that so people use a hard childhood or crappy experiences as excuses.  I say it because I think it should count for something if a person does “what is right” after having done what is not right or having to learn it on their own or overcoming obstacles  vs. someone doing “what is right” because that is all I know.  

I think I may also struggle with this because I think that some people feel superior because they do the “the right thing” when someone else does not, when if they were living the other person’s life “the right thing” may be much more difficult to achieve.

Life is full of joy but it is also often very difficult.  I think that people should be recognized for overcoming struggles to get on the best path.  I don’t know.  Just random ramblings from Julie Fanning LCSW.

Time Heals All Wounds?

"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."  Rose Kennedy

I am struck by this quote.  When I was a child, I tripped into a glass pane that was on the floor.  I cut up my knee and I still have a scar from that incident so many years later.  There is no pain, the scar is lighter than it was but I remember the incident and I can see the scar.

I wonder if it would be helpful for people to look at emotional pain in a similar manner.  I think sometimes people are just waiting for the day something will no longer hurt or when they won’t be anxious or upset.  People distract and avoid negative feelings and often others are uncomfortable with someone else expressing difficult feelings.

Almost everyone says “Time Heals all Wounds”. I believe that is true but by healing it doesn’t mean the pain is just going to disappear if you wait it out long enough.  First, a person has to feel and acknowledge the pain.  Then a person may recover better if they realize the wound will heal but there might be a scar.  The scar may no longer hurt but occasionally there might be twinge, a moment of sadness or reminder of the event.

What feelings are you trying to wait out?  Try accepting and embracing them and understand that all of it is part of the fabric of who you are.

Also celebrated in June..

June is Rebuild Your Life month. 

It is easy to forget that as long as we are alive there is time to change and grow and be who we are meant to be.  Often the biggest barriers are barriers we make up ourselves.  Here is a link with quotes just for Rebuild Your Life Month!

http://searchwarp.com/swa223088.htm

Gay Marriage

It is difficult for me to watch couples like this and understand why some individuals are so afraid of legal Gay Marriage.

61 years together and would still like to get married

Meet Your Mate Week!

June 19-25^th is  Meet your Mate Week so I say “have at it!”.  Go out, meet people, and have fun if you are looking for a mate.

Of course if you really click with someone and have a whirlwind romance you can celebrate June 27^th which is Decide to be Married Day with your very own engagement announcement (but I really wouldn’t recommend it!)

You are more...

Sometimes each of us needs to be reminded.  You are more than your job.  You are more than just your family role  (Mother, Daughter, Aunt, Nephew) or the role you play for your friends (confident, BFF, motivator, helper).  You are more than the money we bring to a relationship.  You are more than your humor.  You are more than your hope.  You are more than your regrets and your faults and mistakes.  You are more than your organizational skills or the awesome lasagna you make.  You are more than your grumpiness or your smiles.  You are all of these things and you are worthy of love just because you are alive – not because of what you do. 

Even I sometimes falter and get caught up in the keeping score or the self doubts but when this happens to you – stop.  Tell yourself that you are worthy.  Tell yourself that you are loveable.  You may be all of the things listed above but that isn’t all you are.  Try to surround yourself with those that will affirm you.  You don’t have to earn love.  You don’t have to earn being worthy.  You just are.

Those Who Love You

Breaking-Up

This post keeps showing up on my "to be posted" posts but I swear I posted it previously.  I can't find it though so why not share?

You feel like it will never be OK again.  You wonder what you could have done different.  You aren’t sure where the other person is coming from.  It has been deteriorating for awhile or you were blindsided.  You will get through this.  Be angry, be sad, be relieved – whatever you need to be.

This link has some ideas how to pull yourself out of the break-up depression.

Nursing Assistant Week

Nursing Assistant Week June 10 – 16

My mom worked as a nursing assistant for many years and I don’t believe I’ve ever known anyone who worked as hard.  I also am a Social Worker in a dialysis center and the techs there have to be alert and competent and do a great job.

Thanks to all of the Nursing Assistant’s out there.

June is also...

June is Adopt a Shelter Cat Month.  Don’t know why I am sharing but I just am.

http://www.aspca.org/adoption/adopt-a-shelter-cat-month/

No Regrets

I am one of those individuals who just do not like it when people say “I have no regrets.” 

I get it.  I do.  People are saying they learned from every mistake or ridiculous thing they’ve done.  They are saying they like who they are now and understand that it is all part of the journey and their past is what makes them who they are today.

I just look at it different.  It seems to me that people should have regrets.  I think having regrets means you actually are alive and did things.  You chose to love or take a chance or do that really stupid thing that has become friend and family folklore of your youth. 

To me having regrets means you learn.  You are able to see times you could have loved a bit more or been a bit more compassionate or a bit safer. 



It seems like if you have no regrets that you’ve missed something.  To me, no regrets mean that with the knowledge I have now I would make all the same decisions (read as mistakes or slight errors of judgment) as I did before.  If I don’t regret something why wouldn’t I do it again?



Instead of saying “I have no regrets”, I want to say “I have regrets and I know so much more now.  I am who I am because of the regrets I have.”

I want to own my regrets.



photo by federico stevanin



Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. – Arthur Miller

June is...

The month of June is marked by several monthly observances.

June is…

Gay and Lesbian Pride Month

http://www.epl.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=178:gay-lesbian-pride&catid=77:webliographies&Itemid=293

June 1^st also is the first day Illinois is allowing civil unions for same sex couples.  Not as progressive as say Iowa but a step.

Children's Games and Activities Teach Courage and Resilience

Speaking of playing with children - check out the first paragraph in this article.

Children's Games and Activities Teach Courage and Resilience